| rfowkes |
...rather volatile situation by reminding everyone that a big blow could cause embarassment and damage, as was recently shown in Brother Jeb's home state. Accordingly, the RNC took precautions by...
(Interesting side not, Mr. Mom: I was going to use the exact same GIF that you did in your previous post but mine was an animated GIF and I couldn't get it below 100K without jumping through a bunch of graphics hoops which I don't have time for right now. Great minds think alike, eh?)
:D |
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| Mr. Mom |
..yelling “Baton down the Hatch”, and at the mention his name, Orrin puffed himself up and shouted …
RAF (ditto on that)
:4: |
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| rfowkes |
...we must protect the President at all costs! And with that he unveiled his "Mr. Potato Head" initiative to provide Dubya with a multitude of disguises.
CLICK HERE FOR SECRET PLANS
With security resolved, the RNC... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| watched as Dubya was cracking up the crones with his “Get Smart” routine, when after a while; they realized he was not pretending. “Must have skipped his meds”, thought Karl, as he …. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...recalled the days when a slightly younger Dubya was a menace behind the wheel. Could that all be coming back to him again with the pressure of the upcoming election? The one who would be able to supply some answers was... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …was stashed in a penthouse down in Dallas and went by the code name of ‘Roper”. Papa Bush and discovered the lass and liked to be tied up and whipped for his transgressions and now it was Dubya’s turn to…. |
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| rfowkes |
... do the nasty with "Roper." Unfortunately, Dubya was a little slow on the uptake and he ended up in bed with Jack Tripper's favorite nemesis and a recent bed partner of Al "I couldn't even take my own state" Gore. Mr. Roper had recently won a suit against the former Veep and was planning to trap Young George in similar fashion. Imagine Dubya's surprise when...
 |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …he was subpoenaed by Mr. Roper in a civil suit by this trusted step-brother “Cheeky” at a most awkward time. As he looked around for help, Karl … |
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| rfowkes |
| ...couldn't help but notice Nelson Rockefeller in the gallery giving his opinion of the entire situation. "That's strange," thought Dubya, "I thought Nellie was dead." It was then that he realized... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …one of the twins had given old Dad a little Orange Sunshine in his OJ that morning. Dubya didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary until Nellie’s finger started to rapidly change colors. Then… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...it quickly spread to others until even the Big Guy in the Sky was affected. All of a sudden... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ..the man in black appeared and told the RNC to give the working man a chance as he demonstrated his distain for the event. Then.. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...all attention turned to Barbara Bush, who was in training for the upcoming election. While she was still nimble, the years had not been kind to her after Old George's presidency. At that moment... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …some of the cabinet members were working out fiscal policy for the taxpayers. First we tax the income, then we tax anything they buy, each year we tax their homes, then we tax whatever they have when they die, and we really tax all the necessities, and if we don’t have enough money from that, we’ll borrow and they will pay interest on our debt. If they complain, we will call them unpatriotic and put them in jail. We will have a grand old time throwing our buddies parties with tax deductible money so “they” pay for it. In the next room… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...two members of the party were practicing "moves" to coordinate with the new policies being developed. Little did they know that... |
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| Mr. Mom |
…a new strain of the clap was going around the convention. The twins were suspected of being at ground zero of the rapidly spreading problem. Meanwhile…
(Mr. Mom will be back Monday night, happy holiday!) |
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| rfowkes |
| ...Marvin (The Torch) Mushnick was busy trying out his new equipment in a corner of the room. Little did he know that his assistant Buxom Bernice was trying to help by manning the fire hose. Unfortunately she hadn't quite figured out how to hold it properly. Therefore... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …Bernice handed the hose over to her partner who was seeing if spongebob liked her sleek body. She forgot all about Marvin’s burning problem and instead… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...concentrated on satisfying Bob. After finishing him off she joined her fellow car washers in a communal shower ritual. Observing all this on the sidelines was... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….Helga, the dump truck driver who had a “Truckers have big loads” bumper sticker on the back. She didn’t understand why the girls were being so silly and… |
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| rfowkes |
...shook her head in amazement. "Oh well," she thought, "I can't really do anything about it!" and with that she decided to chill out a bit at the beach with a cool one.
Meanwhile, back at the presidential election... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …Scalia was “duck hunting” with the VP again, making sure no one would bring up the energy task force issue again. The other’s were… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...circling the wagons, so to speak, in preparation for the upcoming long campaign. Meanwhile, at the White House... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …the ultra conservative republicans were trying to fit in with the liberal side of the party. Meanwhile, in the oval office… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...future interns were lining up for potential jobs. And at the same time... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …NASA’s parachute packer was busy with his recreational fun. Then… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ... there was Packy the White House Prairie Dog rolling some doobies for the upcoming campaign. Also involved was... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …John “woody” Holmes, the bear statue donated by the Canadian lumber industry. Dubya thought that the bear brought good luck to whoever rubbed its expenditure. However… |
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| rfowkes |
...when the Teitelmann Twins rubbed "Woody" they developed a rash. In fact, they immediately jumped into the shower to rid themselves of whatever they caught.
Funny thing about the Teitelmann Twins - People always had such a difficult time telling them apart when in fact it was very simple. Teeny had red hair and Twiggy was a blond. In fact... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …the “W/B” teem had difficulty with teeny’s gender and without a chest protector on she looked just like a normal Texan “good old boy”. Later however… |
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| andreseng |
| the most ironic gathering yet, suddenly appeared outside the White House doors, causing "dubya" to exclaim....... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ..what those girly boys need is a good old fashioned humping. Back at campaign headquarters… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...things were really begin to heat up as the re-election committee practiced their own special version of Texas Line "Dancing." Dick Cheney's daughter was showing the way when... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ..Tim was trying to get the lowdown on Dubyas military duty. Dubya explained he was on special assignment in Africa looking for his Great, Great, Great Grandfather, Monkey pants of the Sudan. Tim was trying to get a leg-up by… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...explaining to the President that there was a rumor that a picture of Dubya's girl friend during the time of that special assignment was about to emerge and that it might cause some problems in regards to his re-election efforts. However, The President pointed out that... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….without actual pictures, all they had to do was lie. The old “White House denies the allegations” seems to work now days, since the press is on board. However there was one picture along with a paternity suit that was being handed discreetly. Meanwhile… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...other proof was being gathered by the Kerry forces for revealing on the Eleven O'Clock News. In fact... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….there was a rumor that Dubya’s girlfriend’s brother had joined the Kerry wagon due to the shame of his sister being duped. He was now in charge of sweeping up Giuliani’s load of crap from the convention floor. Meanwhile… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...the patriarch of the family, George "Burns" Bush was not too pleased with recent revelations regarding Dubya's simian roots. He took it upon himself to... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …head back to their home in the tropics to stop potential problems. From the airplane he spotted more of those pesky peaceniks and upon closer examination, they seemed to be nude women. What happened next was…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...that the pilot demanded that they take a closer look "for security reasons." Imagine his surprise when he thought that he saw Dubya's daughters in one of the pyramids. "Could it be?" he wondered or might it just be... |
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| laborlitigator |
| 2nd annual "Hooters" bootcamp wherein. . . |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...contenders had to measure up to the legendary Mom "Mammaries" Mendelson. In fact, at one point in the competition... |
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| laborlitigator |
| one of the freshman cheerleaders from the jv squad . . . |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ..decided she couldn’t measure up and hit the road. Then… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...along came the boys from the local lawn service who quickly offered to trim her for free. Unfortunately for the cheerleader... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …one of the lawn boys had been upset in regards to a comment made by one the judges in the contest. He was out to prove size doesn’t matter when…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...all of a sudden Malevolent Melba walked in asking, "who's making wise cracks about size?!?" Not wanting to offend the little lady (and not being sure whether he was looking at a body or the face of a very ugly frog), our boy decided to... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …give old Zimmer a call to let him know there was a match for him. Don was busy applying more prep.H. to his Yankee when….. |
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| rfowkes |
...out of the blue he decided to show on-lookers the spot on his body where George Steinbrenner had left a lasting impression and the tattoo that he (Don) had commissioned to commemorate the event.
The crowd gasped and then... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …on the SCOREBOARD showed the real reason The Rocket got his name and had to leave NY. Jeeter was comforted by the Prep. H. old Don offered but the next day… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...the Rocket was back on the beach sunning himself and protecting both his and "Rocket's" head. Also on the beach was... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …a few fans of A-Rod. After leaving Seattle and Texas, he had finally got his stripes but one should always be careful of what you wish for…… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...because sometimes when your wishes come true there are other problems. Take Alex's cousin Zio, for example. How's he going to explain things to the family? Perhaps he could... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ..send the family a box from work and relieve them of the questions in their minds. Or he could… |
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| rfowkes |
...bring over a couple of "brewskies" to share with the family to convince them that he was "all man." Of course, he'd have to upgrade his mode of transportation first and change his delivery methods a bit in order to convince them that he was serious about things.
Meanwhile, back in Washington... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …the people who could read and write were starting to wonder just how Dubya got to be president. If he was the best America could come up with, then….. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...it was probably time to give it all up, sit around outside in our underwear and bathrobe, smoking a stogie held up with our crutch. Uncle Harry had the right idea. Unfortunately... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..the democrats were somewhat oversexed, being blue collar men and all. And that lead to marriage problems which lead to… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...all sorts of unreasonable demands by those in a position of power. In fact, Bubba got so bold at one point during his tenure that he restricted entrance to the oval office to those with certain physical attributes. Hillary, in response... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …was having fun with Juan de uno test_culo, but after another unfortunate accident, he was sent down the road along with… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...many other victims of Ms. Rodham. In fact, Juan's "jewels" were last seen providing service on the door of the Clintons' Chappaqua homestead. In fact... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …there were rumors of a sex tape of the Clintons floating around the internet. It seems someone broke into the Chappaqua cabin and took the tape and was turning it into a full feature. However… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...this turned out to be false. What was true, however, was the fact that the people of Hope, Arkansas were hoping to lure Bubba back home from the Northeast by making some key alterations to some of the town's business establishments. In fact... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …they even imported women from Europe to entice Willie back to the home state. Because of his fondness for young women, they… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...tried to accommodate Bubba as much as possible. Unfortunately, the ravages of time take their toll on everything, including on sweet young "thangs!" Nevertheless... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …Bubba did his best to accommodate every female voter just in case he decided to run for governor again. Meanwhile… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...back on the White House lawn future interns were training for possible assignment. And at the other end of town... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …Dubya was working on a kinder, gentler America. However, the tattoo he had written himself didn’t do much to help. This was only… |
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| rfowkes |
| ..an attempt on his part to divert attention from things he had done earlier in his life while working at the local pool. Dubya was never the same after that summer. In fact... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …as he was painting the pool with the help of fellow Texans, the fumes got to young Dubya and sent him on a long path to the undisclosed treatment center. There he learned… |
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| rfowkes |
...a variety of motor skills including how to work on automobiles. Unfortunately, he didn't fare too well in "Jack 101" and the resultant accident explains a lot about his decision making prowress (or lack thereof).
But this never bothered Dubya because... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …..he kept on drinking bourbon until the cows came home. The result was a DUI which papa couldn’t do much about outside Texas. Next he… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...decided to add an accessory to his vehicle which, he was told, would help him pay attention while behind the wheel. Unfortunately for him... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….the girls always liked to shift the gears themselves when riding with the Dubya. This lead to having…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...all sorts of side events. For example, a couple of Dubya's lovelies discovered that they could use the gear shifts for sporting events. Accordingly... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …Dubya realized he didn’t measure up in more ways than one. He decided he should… |
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| andreseng |
| go after someone who did. "Ye hah, Do I ever love the flag", he exclaimed. Unfortunately, unbeknown-est to him, Laura............. |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….was being seen more and more with an ordnance sergeant Max “big blast” Johnson. Laura seemed to have a permanent smile which Dubya thought was… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...unusual because up until now she had never shown a fondness for The Big Salami. Of course, it might not have been a size issue but a chromatic one with Laura. And Dubya should have seen the signs which were right in front of his face. For example, lately she had taken to wearing a new brassiere which seemed to give a hint as to where her heart was. Then there was... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …her new interest in the “dark side”. It seemed to Dubya that it was just renewed interest in his evil empire, however… |
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| rfowkes |
...Laura knew in her heart of hearts that it really was all related to an incident from her youth when her daddy had allowed her to sip his brew on a regular basis. Ever since that time she exhibited lapses in judgment from time to time (including the choice of a mate) and it also probably explained her beady eyes, too. Nevertheless she was able to compensate by...
(I'll be on low-speed connetions for about the next week or so. Hold the fort, Mr. Mom and others. I'll be baaaack...) |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …hoping that they would retire someday from all the pressure and relax. However, … |
|
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| rfowkes |
...there is also a downside to getting old. For example, things have a way of re-arranging themselves as middle age takes over. However, this did not concern Laura for she knew that...
(I'm back) |
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| Mr. Mom |
…no matter how much nature changed her appearance, Dubya would still need her to figure out…..
(Here we go!)
:) |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...how to do the everyday tasks of life. The fact that Dubya was slower on the uptake than the average person had radically changed the way that things were done in Washington. For example, the National Golf Course had to be altered to accommodate his lack of motor skills. Then there was... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …Dubyas confusion of the chain of command. It seems that Barney ordered the invasion into Iraq by overpowering the president with his Scottish wit. This …. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...led to various domestic animals taking over most functions in the white house. Here's a shot of Tabby busily at work on Dubya's game plan for the coming election. Then there's... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ..Karl “pit bull” Rove whose bag of tricks have lead to many a knockout. Among the staff are… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...several fat people who spend a lot of time trying to wear down the opposition at town hall meetings. In addition... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| Karl was busy coming up with short earthy saying that would fool the average high school drop-out into voting for the Dubya. Also busy was… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...Dubya's mom Babs who was going door to door to raise funds for her son's campaign. Unfortunately, time had taken its toll on her and... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …needed to contact the queen to get a referral to her plastic surgeon. The queen however, showed babs where to lick her boots before giving up her secrets. Then…. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...there was that unfortunate facial that Babs had agreed to. Something about plaster, cigarette butts, a banana and a "Rudolph" nose treatment. The former first lady had never really recovered from that. Luckily... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ..she didn’t get the boob job that Princess Anne had the misfortune in getting which was causing her back pain as well as wolf whistles from the usually stoic guards at the palace. This lead to… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...Babs reminiscing about the time, when she was younger, that she had a few drinks in a pub and decided to try out for a role in "Cats." Little did she know that... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …her son would be president. This was beyond her wildest …. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...dreams, except, maybe, for the time she thought of joining the Lord of the Rings cast as an extra. Unfortunately, at the last moment... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …she was found out to be Darth Vader’s mother and had to go into hiding. Meanwhile… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...back in Washington the Vice President was busy hiding from last night's presidential debate. But he knew that by next Tuesday... |
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