| rfowkes |
| ...the Musselmen kids who loved to play their own brand of "Barnyard." Then came... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….watching the farm animals do what comes naturally. Billy-Bob wanted to try out… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...that menage et meow-meow-meow but he was too busy down at the Boys 'R Us Pink Pussycat Exotic Club stuffing sawbucks into Exotic Dancer Barbie. In fact... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Billy had just lost his job at the rendering factory and was celebrating because he had heard there was a new job waiting for him. It was going to be…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...BVD inspector at the local art gallery. Billy Bob had trained for this as a youth and... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..he developed a little fetish regarding clean underwear to which Mildred could attest too. He was very strict with his morning inspection and….. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...spent endless hours at the computer logging in every piece of lingerie in the house. You might say he was so obsessed that he became rooted in his work, or you might say... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..that he was trying to out last Lonny, his co-worker at the Fruit of the Looms factory. He was after more than just her job, and he got her brassiere when she took a cat nap. Luckily… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
...Billy Bob had more interests than just lingerie. For example, he loved to create interesting auto paint jobs. Then...
(Note: For some reason the auto-notification for threads stopped working for me a while back. Anyone else?) |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ……he branched out into portraits on the boardwalk. He’s forte was. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...all types of highway signs. Some he embellished more than others! Also... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..Billy was bent on doing a little partying with his old MSU-Billings pals who liked to … |
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|
| rfowkes |
| ...whoop it up on a regular basis. Sometimes they liked to hold wet t-shirt contests, especially when they forgot the t-shirts. And sometimes... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …through genetic engineering at good old MSU-Billings, the girls in the Agriculture department would hold the Biggest Bag Contest. Last years winner was Becky Balls and her Long Horn Steer “Whacker” However… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...genetic engineering wasn't limited to the livestock. Back in Bozeman, the MSU swim team had perfected something interesting for their athletes. In addition... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….the FDA finally approved Becky’s nipple growth hormone nicknamed “Cherry Bombs” which the College was particularly proud of. Also…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...some of the co-eds took advantage of their situation to earn some extra pin money. For example, Becky worked out a deal with Shell Oil. And then there was... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Peg was subsidized by Coppertone and the men lined up to apply the lotion. Meanwhile… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...some of the coeds were thinking up ways to celebrate Disneyland's 50th anniversary. This included... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …a fishing contest to see who could catch the largest lunker. The coeds helped out with maintenance on the two stroke turbo and had a little contest of their own. The highlight of the event was….. |
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| rfowkes |
| The appearance of Miss Montana of 1924 who presented the trophy to the winning girl. She also... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …received a complementary pen holder from the Missoula’s Gold Star Mothers. Next was… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...a special sushi dish prepared by the fisherman. Luckily, none of the winners were big Disney fans (except, of course, for Miss Mickey Breast). After that... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …the sons of the frontier did a remake of Jaws featuring Wacko Jackson ending with a new twist to the Jonah theme. This caused …. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...the young actors to each receive a memento of the occasion. After that... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …there was the annual paintball fight between the Whitefish Protestants and the Helena Catholics. Both teams were… |
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|
| rfowkes |
| ...serenaded by the Big Timber Fluglehorn Society which provided a lift to the combatants. In addition... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …a psychic putting show was demonstrated by the Miss 19th hole 2005, from Darrel’s BBQ Rib Trailer and Miniature Golf Club. Next on the agenda was.... |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ... the dynamic Seoul Sisters, sychronized gymnastists and recent emigrees to Bozeman, MT from Korea. After that came... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
…the large mouth bass fishing contest was won by Chia Pet who works at the
Buster Hymen all night truck stop. This was followed by….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...The Seoul Sister's little siter, Kim, who had a rather unique snake charming act. Next up was... |
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|
| Mr. Mom |
| …best African American republican dirty tricks award was handed out. Next out of the shoot was…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...the annual mouse maze race. Unfortunately, several people questioned the results when Lemuel's pet mouse, Frisky, appeared to have had some chemical assistance due to his record time in this event. The animal police... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….were in the process of locking up every stray on the planet that didn’t have an identification chip imbedded in their…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...brain, which included Lemuel's Big Fat Cock, that had been accused of straying over to the neighbor's house on a regular basis, In fact, his wife, Maude... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …liked to tease Lemuel and his prize cock with various gestures from her picture window. This caused …. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...most of the townsfolk to get all excited. All except for Ol' Beauregard, Lemuel's dawg, who was mellowing out, as usual, with a couple of shots of Jack Black. Suddenly... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Ol' Beauregard parents were at the door and poor mom had been straightened out by her master. After the shock, Bow… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...decided to treat them to to front row seats at the annual nude rollerblading competition which was currently taking place out in the parking lot. After that... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Bud showed off his latest anti theft device from Bud’s all-night towing and alarm service. Next Bud….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...decided to take everyone down to the local police station to assist in an on-going investigation. After that... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Buckley from Flathead Lake Camber of Commerce showed how to properly draw tourist into the town. He demonstrated that the Flathead River bank was the perfect place to sunbath and was just as exotic as Hawaii. This caused… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...others in the party to do similar wild things. For example, Trina from Two Dot decided it was perfect weather to get up off her ass and sun bathe along the Yellowstone River - even though it was only 2 degrees outside! Then there was... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| Hanks condo rentals along the Madison River were just the ticket for big city spenders and their fancy Orvis gear. There were….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...many other things that the locals could offer to take advantage of the Yuppie Set that invaded Big Sky Country all year long. For example, building on the T-Rex discoveries by the people at the Museum of the Rockies, little Nestor Hesselman was able to charge the yokels big bucks to tour his own personal dig site. In addition... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …there were the many nature trails available for the REI set. Some were never heard of again….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...and others ended up on the streets of Helena trying to eke out an living after having been fleeced of all their worldly goods. Thereafter... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….some found fishing in downtown Butte more relaxing but there was always a fly in the ointment. Officer Craven Moorhead didn’t like bums on his beat so… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...he made sure they stowed the line (pun intended.) Craven was most famous for the security measures he instituted when he used to own the local deli and many think that's what led to him joining the force. But others thought that... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …it was because his wife had run off with Dick and had a nice business going on over in Cut Bank. Craven thought that being a trooper might …. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...make him more popular with the ladies but he usually got the same reaction all the time. Therefore, he decided to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …get a cat so he would have someone to come home to and he thought he knew where he could get one cheap. However this didn’t …. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...help because Craven unfortunately sent his deputy, Daryl, to check on some pussies for him and the poor soul misunderstood and got into a heap of trouble. In fact... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Daryl was told to look for a clean pussy which liked to brush twice daily and he really wasn’t having much luck. Craven decided to….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...send Daryl to a place where he was certain to see some pussy. Unfortunately... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …the only way he could get away with this was by playing drunk. This worked ok until… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Bertha Muchbutt came into the stall after eating four giant red-hot Chimichangas with extra beans at Pedro's in downtown Butte. The resulting output was not only volumninous and olfactorily amazing, but it caused Daryl to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …quit the force and go back to MSU-Billings and take up animal genetics 101. His father, Axel needed someone to take over the bull collection program so he could… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...concentrate on taking care of some of the biggest porkers east of Boise, Idaho. Axel's wife, Mulva, had heard through the grapevine that he had been seen in the company of a "Big Pig" over in Three Forks at the county fair and she unfortunately had reached the wrong conclusion. In fact she even went so far as to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …hire a private eye by the name of Plenty O'Toole who prided himself in the knowledge that he knew every porn site east of Winnemucca. He discovered that Axel had….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...spent considerable time looking for some head. In addition... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Plenty had discovered Axel had been milking more than Mulva and this was going to be trouble. He thought he could…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...soothe things over by sweet talking Mulva. But she wasn't having anything to do with Axel and she sent her houseboy over to Plenty with a definitive message. Despite this, Axel tried to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …get back in her good grace by getting her the pet orangutan which she had always wanted. She sent the ape back after teaching it a special message for Axel. After that….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Axel had no choice but to become a little more discrete in his extra-curricular activities. He even took to making his girl friend ride in the back seat of the car while he drove to the Helena Ice Festival just in case they should run into Mulva. But unfortunately... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Axel was again, to feel the sting of rejection when he caught his cowgirl with mans best friend. But things were about to change when… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Axel found out that his application for the 2005 Three Forks Rodeo had been accepted. It seems that the locals decided to offer Turtle Bull Fighting after all! So it was time for him to put all this hanky-panky behind him and start to train for the coming season. But Mulva had other ideas... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …she joined up with the local chapter of the singing nun’s social club and headed off to Salt Lake to convert the morons. Likewise… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Axel also found religion and joined a anti-protest group in front of the Charlie Russell Museum in Helena. This caused him to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …place a call to the Dubya regarding his stinginess for the suffering. Dubya wasn’t the only ….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...one dragging his feet. Apparently, some Weapons of Mass Destruction had been discovered and were being stored in a warehouse in Missoula. Unfortunately, Axel's slow nephew Dudley was somehow placed in charge of the project and his actions nearly led to some major problems. In fact... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Dudley had messed his pants so quick when he mishandled the bomb, it soon was the joke of the town. He soon joined a long line of relatives on disability but his dream of becoming a….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...full time stock boy at a warehouse went up in smoke, literally, when another one of his mishaps became known as "that unfortunate incident at Big Timber, MT." Without a job, Dudley had to resort to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …being a mascot for the big timber bats baseball team. This lasted until….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...someone pointed out that Dudley had a history of instability. This first surfaced on the day that he married Loretta and sent out a furtive plea for help. Then there was the time that he... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….married the rodeo queen from Billings who would not take no for an answer. This pushed him closer to… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...the edge, especially since he found out that his new bride was a bit domineering. Of course, this was better than his first wife, Loretta, who had a perchant for... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …pain which seemed to somehow please her. She also liked to punish Dudley and this soon became his ….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...downfall. He had recently started a new job with the Helena Parks Department, and his wife's activities had taken its toll on his psyche. Before too long he was arrested for "Indecent Pruning" and was sentenced to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …six months of community service which was to be chief outhouse cleaner on top of old Smokey. Unfortunately for Dudley, it was right next to Roy’s chilly and deep fried oyster hut. After the 4th of July holiday, he decided to…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...revisit his life long ambition to design children's playthings. Unfortunately Dudley's latent degeneracy reared its ugly head once more and he soon found himself out of a job. After that... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….it was back to good old MSU for more educational training. He soon found a niche as the campus hurling champ which led to… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...even bigger things when he was made manager of the local Steak & Ale joint. Unfortunately, Dudley's ineptness reared its ugly head once again when he forgot to check the grills while closing up one evening and soon after he was back on the streets of Bozeman. Eventually... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …he got on the local Bozeman game show channel and finally won big when his favorite movie happened to come up in one of the questions. With his windfall he…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...was able to create his own version of the game show, "Perverted Wheel of Fortune." Unfortunately, in one of his last acts, FCC chairman Powell... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….just before he put back on his helmet, was to shut down Dudley's show. Always resilient, Dudley decided to… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...check on some of his other ventures to see how they were panning out. For instance, he had his good friend Hillary, whom he had met while a ranchhand on the Fonda spread in Livingston, MT, hawking some silverware from the 4B's restaurant at the recent festivities in D.C. Then there was that... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …. new camel cola in the pipeline which he was still working on its logo. “Good to the last hump” just didn’t sound nice; either did I’d walk a mile for a camel cola which seemed like plagiarism, or so said the attorneys. Finally he decided on…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ..."No Smoke Camel Coke" which brought together the aspects of brand recognition and good health without stepping on any copyright toes. After this project was in the bag Dudley turned to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …his next project which was a redneck trailer trash Barbie. It was to be sold in the red states next Forth of July. His next big idea…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...was an offshoot of the previous idea - Sorority Slut Barbie - for the blue states' academic set. This was followed by... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …still another version whose target group was African Americans. Then there was… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Dudley's venture into the world of banking, with his most unusual ATM idea. Unfortunately... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….the service fees were too much for the blue collar men so Dudley’s next venture was unleashed on Wal-Mart customers just before Christmas when people got gifts no matter what they were. This caused… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...him to rethink his approach and his next venture was nose rings, body piercing and tattoo for junior. He figured that this would help the one-stop-shopping mentality of the Wal-Mart crowd. But ... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …his real brain storm was to put his deluxe mammogram booth in every Wall-mart. It was designed in Thailand where women weren’t as well developed as American women, (especially Wal-Mart shoppers), and so some of the gals were caught in a pinch. This seemed to…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...start a whole new fad as Dudley was encouraged to extend the concept to include males with a new type of non-diet. However, both Playboy and Playgirl magazines objected vociferously and, as a result... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …it was back to designing Barbie’s once more. His latest idea was the “Hollywood Sleepover” This led to… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Agressive Barbie, sure to be a hit in some third world countries. After that... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …it was “Halftime Barbie” which went over big with the boys. This year’s show was going to feature…. |
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|
