| Mr. Mom |
…finally get the Christmas lights down from his house which the wife had been blabbing about for two months. Naturally things didn’t go smoothly after his morning pint of JB.
This lead to… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...some other embarassing incidents not the least of which was his attempt to collect back wages from a painting job he had done for a local business. His ill-advised method of getting attention backfired when... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….crazy Henry showed up to open his store. The ensuing argument caused quite a …. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...stir among the onlookers which included Henry's rather rotund wife, Mabel. She was sitting there trying to decide between getting a tummy tuck or a belly button diamond stud when the fracas broke out. As she raced to her hubby's defense... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …the smell of a polish hot dog turned her head like an English pointer on Johnny ring neck. She forgot all about what’s-his- name and made sure she got the largest dog on the grill. When she was finished…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...Mabel turned her attention to the five girls from the "Miss Montana String Bikini" competition who were sauntering down the street hand in hand. Despite the fact that it was 7 degrees outside, these lovelies... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …had seen a sign just out of town which raised their interest. Being hot-blooded American girls, they were curious about just what it might…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...involve. Imagine their surprise when they found out that it wasn't what they thought, but actually a display featuring Crazy Henry's unique collar bone collection. People 'round town, while curious about ol' Hank's hobby, never dared question where these items came from. Had they known... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …..the girls would never think of going to the ranch. They should have had a clue when they saw Henry’s mailbox that he wasn’t a people person, except that…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...another clue was the sign he also had on his property. Yep, Ol' Henry was definitely not a friendly neighbor. In fact... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …it was a fact that nobody came around the house at feeding time for his pet fish. But then again… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...ol' Hank had the neighborhood so well protected that people were relucant to drive down the main road to his house after a heavy rain. So instead... |
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| Mr. Mom |
…of going around Hanks block a few tried to outrun his pet Huey. That would be their first and last mistake. Some even …
(I’m off to Maui, enough of this shark talk, for 10 days. I’ll be checking in when I can, I don’t know what kind of speed they will have. Good time for someone to jump in, aloha.) |
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| rfowkes |
...resorted to trying to avoid the problem altogether. Maude Frickett, for example, borrower her grandson Hokey's bike to get around obstacles. Others...
Have a good one, Mr. Mom. We'll be here waiting for your return. Make sure you take that bike trip down Mt. Haleakala. It's a blast - especially the sunrise tour! (I used "Cruiser Bob" back in 1988 - I don't know if they are still in business, but I'm sure that such tours are still given.)
Enjoy!! |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| .......tried to get past Hanks pet boa “Mai Tai” only to find out that this wasn’t such a good idea. When Mai Tai got through with… |
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| rfowkes |
...Miss Pussy Galore it turned its attention to her young son, Dudley. Needless to say...
(Aloha! No snakes in Hawaii, right?) |
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| Mr. Mom |
….Dudley soon learned about being the main squeeze. Meanwhile, back at the ..
Mahalo, no snakes, other strange creatures though. |
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| rfowkes |
...ship, Noah had some harsh words for Mr. Rabbit. However...
quote:
other strange creatures though
(I told you to keep away from the Menehune ditch, Mr. Mom!) |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….things were out of control and the animals were getting cabin fever. So … |
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| rfowkes |
| ...Hank had no choice but to try to find ways to keep them in check. Unfortunately, some of his techniques led to unwanted side effects, so he... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …let the kingdom elect their own leader with capital to…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...spare. Of course the choice drove some animals to drink and some to other vices that would shorten their lives. Additionally... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….some experimented with catnip which put them on the short list of natural selection. However…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...even worse was when Tabby decided to SuperSize her snack and she became a candidate for a remake of the movie Kittens of the Damned. All this animal punishment caused... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….Hanks son Hubert to definitely decide on a future as an animal control officer. He dreamed about the prospect of….. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...living to see the day when all animals were as affectionate as Mama Giraffe. Also... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …he wanted to get a net around that dog next door that would sneak into their pool. But most of all…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...he wanted to avoid some of the animal coupling that had Noah so pissed. Therefore... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …..he had a few ideas about contraception which really weren’t in the vet books. However…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...Hubert realized that before he could become a full fledged vet he would have to work on his bedside manner a bit. As it was now, animals were reluctant to visit his office because of his reputation. In fact... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….his looks frightened many a mammal. However his wife really liked to grab onto his..... |
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| rfowkes |
| ...shorts and leave Hubert all sorts of not so subtle hints regarding her sexual preferences. This caused him to... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….seek out those herbal enhancement tablets that dipstick on TV is always smiling about. After seeing…… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...what was available to enhance his love life Hubert decided on a new course of action and purchased a new time piece at Hu'ng's to assist him in his regimen. After two days... |
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| TriumphDriver |
| Riding in America: |
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| TriumphDriver |
| Riding in Bagdad: |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …he decided it was time to get back in the saddle, and his gal was more than welling to find out if there was an improvement. Hubert eased the horse into a steady trot and |
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| rfowkes |
| ...the next thing he knew instead of the horse giving him a ride, he was giving the horse a ride. Hubert couldn't explain this weird turn of events, unless... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ..there was something extra in the herbal remedy that was making him see things. Anyway….. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...Hubert had a whole new outlook regarding women ever since talking to to his friend Carl. In fact... |
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| dj-mdx2 |
| .... Carl worked for a local Acura dealer and had access to all the available MDX accessories, some of which he used in very creative ways, including... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….many which we can not comment about due to health reasons regarding the new handy boot/trunk accessory kit for those long road trips with nothing to do at night. This accessory came with….. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...all sorts of amenities missing from Hubert's piece-o'-crap vehicle. Perhaps that was why... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….the only girl to look twice at him was Penny, who was known for her…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...thought-provoking puzzles which appeared in the Bozeman Chronicle every Saturday. (Some say this is where the expression, "A Penny for your thoughts" originated, but nobody knew for sure.) At least... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …. the whole town was puzzled when Penny turned up in a family way, after spending an evening in various chat groups around the world. It looked like….. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...Penny had neglected to practice "Safe Hex" and was now burdened with the future spawn of a rebel computer. The cyborgs were taking over everything, including web sites with "Story" Word Association Threads. And nothing could be done unless... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….a certain phone wasn’t picked up soon. There was one and only one, who could save Penny from her internal clock, but he seemed more interested in having a cookie at the moment and so….. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...it was up to Penny's strange neighbor, Ali En, to come to her rescue. After he agreed, the first thing he did was... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …examine the extent of damage caused by the rebel computer. It was going to be a long night by the looks of her…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...and Ali wondered whether he would be able to provide Hubert with his vision of the ideal partner. So he... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …sent over some of his sample work. He had some impressive clients and it was going to be a difficult task but one that …. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...caught his eye was a chain smoker down on Main Street in Bozeman. Another possibility was... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …the Roman Polanski special was always a crowd pleaser especially with the Hollywood set. Speaking of which…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...another "set" getting a lot of looks was that of "Martini Mabel" who worked at the Bozeman Emporium. Then there was... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …the veritable cornucopia, which personally got my nod, but Hubert had different ideas regarding…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...such matters ever since he had mistaken some Henry Miller fans at Montana State University for a couple of party girls. It had taken a long time to live that down because the English majors were underage and ol' Hubert was... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …run out of town by the bingo sharpshooter’s sisterhood of Butte. He was forced to live like a…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...fugitive, getting on the Interstate and windsurfing his way east toward the windy city where he... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …happened to see an act in one of the clubs on the south side. She could swallow the lighted sword right up to the hilt, which set ol' Hubert’s mind to thinking…. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...about the girl he met in Minot, ND who wouldn't go along with any "sword swallowing" but who claimed to "love Bush." Not being a Republican himself, Hubert was turned off by the prospect so he continued on his way and... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …got a job as equipment manager / ointment tech. They really enjoyed his ….. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...bedside manner and the way he taught them about foreign affairs. However... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….he found that being in the delivery business was more to his calling. Working at night gave him time to…. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...spend his days working on his thriving plumbing business. However, the down side to this was... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….that the babes didn’t think much of the work truck. If Hubert was going to score with the girls, he was…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...going to have to come up with a gimmick slogan such as, "Don't monkey around with your John. Ask for Hubert!" or something like... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….if you’ve lost your gold tooth, give Hubert a toot. But then again… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...one must always be careful when dealing with a commode that has been used by a Storm Pooper. "May the Force Be With You" will hardly help a constipated person who has seen the bowels of evil (no pun intended). Therefore Hubert had no choice but to... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….once again, relocate. He had heard a rumor that a member of the Royal Air Force had the entire Werner Herzog uncut movies of KLAUS KINSKI and so off he went with his pal midnight ….. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...to cross the Andes by boat. On the trip he had many amazing encounters. First came the impromptu road events courtesy of the highway department. These were both challenging and fun. Then there was... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….strange villages in the misty clouds as well as…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...several other unusual locales. Hubert's road trip was quickly becoming... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….rather unusual when the locals became more neighborly. Things were looking up when… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...someone suggested that they all head down to Nick's for some refills. Little did Hubert know that... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …time was running out and that his next jacket would be a full medal one. It seems that there was a hic-up in the new homeland security data base and so …. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...certain segments of the national rail system were adversely affected. In addition... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….some of the budget cuts were starting to attract attention as well as the ….. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...change in the weather as Spring approached. As usual, March 21st would cause all sorts of adjustments, even in Montana, so... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …no one was surprised when thoughts turned to romance. The locals just loved the springtime and ….. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...used the opportunity to take their vehicles out for a spin. Of course, the recent surge in gas prices called for some drastic measures, so... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …Rummy ordered the troops to get out of those Hummers and face reality. The war for oil has caused the shortage for the citizens and so…… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...the government tried to institute a policy (originated in Greece) of "piggyback driving" to save fuel. However... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….the 2020 SUV’s were the most fuel efficient. It was the beginning to look…. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...like the only remaining economic form of transportation would be the bicycle. However, many citizens took this to the extreme and used two wheelers in rather strange places. In fact... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….even the Hells Angeles were forced into downsizing. Drive-Bye shootings were a thing of the past as well as….. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...cheap parking. In an effort to recoup reduced revenues due to fewer automobiles being used, many local parking authorities took drastic measures in levying outrageous fines for letting a meter run out. And if this wasn't enough... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….the airlines were all bankrupt except a couple which found a way to make ends meet. However help was on the way…. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...because "Dubya" wasn't going to take any more crap from the oil cartel. Unfortunately... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …..there was a little squabble he had to help settle first. He finally figured out how to make the peace and now…. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...was holding a press conference explaining his actions. Little did he know that in the audience... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …was his old high school sweetheart, Brenda. She was known as B.J. to all the boys because of a certain quark she excelled in. Dubya fell for B.J. and …… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...had a hard time escaping her clutches - as well as several other items. Luckily for him... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …..Dubya had enough sense to use some protection which he found in Jebs car. It was a good thing BJ liked latex because…. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...it had saved her life one evening when she fell asleep at her terminal. Otherwise she might have cracked open her skull. On the other hand... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …make that two hands, her assets came in “handy” with the jocks. It seemed to take their minds off the pain and so…. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...BJ willingly went along with Dubya's "Hogwart Prophylactic Initiative" until she discovered something quite upsetting during a routine check. So she had no alternative but to... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …take care of the little problem. This turned out to be …. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...almost as embarassing as the time her dalmation was caught with his dipstick in Tabby's crankcase. Luckily... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …..Spot didn’t run into the Tabby’s main man Harry, but that’s another story. Meanwhile… |
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