| rfowkes |
| ...back in Montana the locals were getting ready for the annual Easter Tire Climb on the abandoned rigs at the Anaconda Copper Pit in Butte. This year, however... |
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|
| Mr. Mom |
| …they had a change in venue and decided on the First Annual Evil Knievel Anaconda Pit jump. First to try was one eye Joe and the attempt was not good. Next up was…… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...Hammerin' Hank, who would have cleared the pit if it wasn't for a distraction caused by a member of his pit crew. Then there was... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …the leaping leprechaun, the odds on favorite with the drinking crowd. He turned out to be a half pint short and next was…… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...Tsunami Sue, who was supposed to enter the event but had an unfortunate accident while having her passport picture taken before she could travel to Montana. After that... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …Abdul was the next with his “Jihad” made entirely out of parts found left behind by the US Army. He was accidentally shot by friendly fire and so…… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...Father Michael was brought in to administer last rites. However... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….after a little Jesus weed from Sister Mary Jane Toker, Father Michael decided to visit a local grammar school for a little laying on of the hands which he was famous for. Meanwhile, ….. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...little did he know that the little princess he had his eyes on was Bubba Baker's daughter, and Bubba was the meanest sommanab!tch in all of Butte. As Father Michael approached... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….somehow he missed seeing Bubba standing 20 feet away. The next thing that happened…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...was too gruesome to describe here. Let's just say that Father Michael has a lot bigger problems than his surgically altered nose falling off. In fact... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …it looked like he would be buying his makeup by the case now that Bubba was done with him. He was however a shoe in for M.C. of the Jeepers Creepers remakes on T.V. Meanwhile….. |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...when Bubba was finished "taking care of business" with the Freakazoid he turned attention to his other daughter, Tiffany, who was taking her name a little too literally. Bubba thought that he might... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….change her name to Jane but that caused him even more headaches. As it turned out…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...the last person named Jayne that he knew literally had her head handed to her in an accident. This was the ultimate headache and it was sort of like what happened to Bubba's cousin, Ichabod, back in '67 while at the beach. From that time on... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …..Bubba wore a protective mask which he figured would help him incase of a freak accident. Even on his 50th birthday he wouldn’t take off the mask and so… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...he was elated when a fellow mask wearer came up to him at his party and asked him if he would like to go somewhere for an "unveiling." Jumping at the chance, Bubba... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….was surprised when she showed up with a new outfit. She asked Bubba if he would like to play with her dolphins and of course Bubba …. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...was more than willing to oblige, at least until her girl friend came over with a cold one and reminded everyone that baseball is back this coming Sunday. The girls asked Bubba if he wanted to "play ball" and he... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….took one look at the equipment girl and told them he couldn’t wait to get his hands on a glove. He asked one pretty thing if she would rosin up his…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ..."guided missle." Unfortunately the young lady misunderstood his request and moments later there was a major incident at Malstrom Air Force Base up north. After that... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …..there was one more embarrassing moment when one young lady suggested she would like to nibble on his hard balls and this time Bubba fouled up. Anyway, things started to…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...pick up when Orville suggested to Bubba that he join him outside in the parking lot in his makeshift pool. The trouble was... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …he was already bobbin for corn, showing the ladies how to get a grip on that cob. This caught the eye of…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...A certain young lady who was famous for a little "nobbin bobbin'" of her own with another Bubba. She approached our Bubba and... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ….showed Bubba her latest endorsement and proceeded to show Bubba just how she became spokesperson. Bubba thought that…. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...the "famous" Bubba was his all time hero. Even after his recent stay in the hospital he had managed to manipulate matters so that he would continue to get "his." What a guy! Meanwhile, back in Bozeman... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …the Bozeman “Sacagawea Kidnappers” were taking on the Weber State Lizards. There would be no fun in town for the local girls because of the tag put on ….. |
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| rfowkes |
| ...Bubba's "jewels." And Michael Moore was watching all the action from the sidelines. This time, however... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …it would be Michael who would do the drinking because the local union boss was looking for some action and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Michael decided to… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...pass on the invite since he still had nightmares about the last time he was fixed up with a date. His friends had promised him an experienced blonde, and... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …he had pictured something quite different. Well, back to dreaming big mike said, meanwhile, Bubba…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...was beginning to realize that Junior was looking more and more like his dawg Beauregard. Perhaps the Missus was a little more friendly to animals than he thought. So he... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….checked a little further and found out there was more to it than he ever thought. What next, thought Bubba, and to his surprise… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...he discovered another disturbing thing about his bride. Bubba was really freaking out now, and proceeded to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….turn on CNN and see a couple of old pros stealing the trust fund one more time. This made Bubba…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...so mad that he stormed out of the house. Unfortunately, the screen door got in the way and he took a blow to his eye. Not having any steak around to put on his impending shiner, he was able to ask his friendly neighbor, Maybelle, to help him out by administering some warm, soft meat to the affected area. Newly rejuvenated, our hero proceeded to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …show May belle how he can squirt milk out his tear duct or was it his sinus, whatever, the screen door was going to make him a commodity. He felt his luck was finally going to change and….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...just then Maude, the cleaning woman at the Pentagon, made that stupid mistake and life, as Bubba and many others were to know it, changed in the flick of a wrist. At first... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….the networks denied that there had been an accident, but then…… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...people do strange things when they believe that the end is near. Some panic. Others leave notes to loved ones in very unusual fashions. Bubba... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …had always wanted to give the Mayor a hot seat and he thought now would be the time. Afterward… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Bubba felt bad about what he had done, so he decided to turn his life around by sharing the love with the people through romance novels. He set up shop on Main Street in Bozeman and... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….his t-shirt was getting noticed by some of the senior citizens. He was hoping for a younger lady to see it and…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...accommodate him. Unfortunately, when a young lass came along she was carrying a muppet on her back so Bubba didn't get exactly what he was looking for. Instead... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….of a nice warm fuzzy feeling which came from a regular set, he saw a strange android style of decorating what he was after. This didn’t …. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...work for Bubba so he went back bar-hopping where he met a lovely young lady in formal attire. Everything was going very smoothly until, in a moment of misjudgment, he tried to remove her top. At that point... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Ted just happened to see the mishap and offered Bubba and the girl a special martini called the “Mary Jo” to patch things up. This had happened to Teddy so many times that…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...the town had special signs posted welcoming him whenever he passed through. Unfortunately... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Billy Bob and Billy Joe were not going to let some city boy have all the fun. They were full of whoop-ass and needed to let …… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...loose by rounding up a bunch of their friends and pounding a "hippie pinko punk" into the ground head first. They had been doing this for years and even started tutoring their church group of college age kids at Bozeman Community College two years ago to carry on the tradition. However, the local police interupted the proceedings and... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….told the local boys to take the hiproid over to the next county where Clem and the K-9’s were in charge. The campus police didn’t want to scare off the tuition from those liberal city boys. Afterall…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...they realized that in the real world you sometimes have to tread carefully. In addition... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …in the game of politics, one’s memory is very short, causing embarrassing moments in the future due to that nasty liberal press quotes. And so…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...as we point toward 2008 just about anyone could possibly be a candidate for President! It wouldn't be surprising if... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …the requirements were changed so a certain movie star would guide our country in a more manly fashion. Maybe there could be…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...someone from the Polish Space Program to join the Governator on the ticket as veep. On the other hand... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….perhaps it was time for a different kind of Pres. One that could relate to all kinds of citizens and therefore…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...garner their trust. Evidence had recently surfaced that indicated that this candidate was a team player. It just wasn't sure which "team" she was playing for. And... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …in the pink rose lesbian bowling league, there were heated discussions regarding the “length” of ones personal political fortitude. Therefore… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...it came as no surprise that the team rolled out "Mams" Mayberry when the question of "size" surfaced. Mams was more than happy to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …show off her form which got her disqualified from the team because of her assets always crossing the foul line. Now Helga had a special little number to keep the pompoms in place so ….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...she was one of the better bowlers. Another team member, Latex Red, had discovered that she could avoid foul line violations by "tweaking her assets" prior to each frame. However... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Linda Lovelace’s new hairdo was another potential disaster, but after discussing the matter behind closed doors with the officials, everyone agreed that….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...having a bad hair day wasn't grounds for dismissal, even though it hadn't helped Nadia on American Idol the night before. Besides, this helped to explain how women behaved and... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….reminded Bubba of his first wife Wendy. She was somewhat bohemian in her views toward oral sex until a certain time of the month and then…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...all hell broke loose. Women throughout the land were eager to please their men, including some very well known ones. In fact... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …there were a few who wanted something a little extra in their romantic lives. And so .... |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...it came as no surprise when they started turning to each other for affection. In fact... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …the generals were pleading to have an all android army because the troops were pleasing themselves and were too tried to… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...tend to their usual duties. Of course, there was always the possibility that other things besides sex were keeping the troops' minds off of their work. Rumor had it that... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….they were busy getting out the vote which caused some problems because it was Jebs national guard in charge of the ballots. There were other …. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...other things to be concerned with, notably the rising price of gasoline. Some said this was related to recent events. Others said that... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …it was wall streets doing with their image of hot girls wanting boys with fast cars. They didn’t want some weenie in a Matiz, they wanted big pistons with lots of power, and so… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...it came as no surprise when gas prices escalated to a riduculous level. In fact... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….Herman, the governments I.G. decided to try out a few gas saving devices for the fleet of Gov. Cars and took a few sedans in for headers and found out…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...that they misunderstood his reference to "headers." This caused embarassment similar to something that had happened to him on the job many years ago. At that time Herman had to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …think fast and remember that it wasn’t really sex that he had gotten, but it was more like an advanced massage technique and so…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...it came as no surprise that most guys prefer dominating women in their lives. Additionally... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….most of the world thought the US needed to be punished for sucking the Earth dry and so….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...terrorists were dispatched from Poland to build the first wooden dirty bomb. Unfortunately... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …the delivery system malfunctioned and so it was put on manual control. This proved to… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...be a problem until Six Flags Krakow offered to donate the services of their malfunctioning roller coaster to assist in the war effort. At first... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….everything seemed to go according to the plan; however it turned out to be just another imperialistic trick to dehumanize…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...society as evidenced by this recent photo taken at a Mets-Yankees game. Evidently 1984 has come and gone without anyone taking notice. Meanwhile, back at the ranch Bubba was... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …was not having sex. He was having a cleansing procedure applied by the next white house hopeful. Things hadn’t been the same since….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...everyone had joined forces on the bandwagon for 2008. And the opposition was having a field day. In fact... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …there was one man who couldn’t wait to have an east coast-west coast contest, but first he would …. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...have to control the missus a bit better if he wanted to become a real "Running Man." His plan was to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….arrange for a little accident. This would get the public off the hook of redecorating the White House for several million. He would most likely run the country from his Hummer’s cell phone and…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...take it from there. Of course, Aahnold's method of controling his women was a bit more radical than Dubya's, but at least he thought that... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …some things were sacred. His first change would be to….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...make sure that his skin stayed supple and attractive, unlike a few of his predecessors. Then he would... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …make a few cabinet changes, if there were any good politicians willing to take a pay cut from the lobby groups. Next….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...he would concentrate on upgrading his image with his female constituency (no pun intended). His last attempt to clear up the matter of female harassment with a t-shirt campaign went terribly wrong when his carefully chosen slogan was slightly altered at the last moment. Some of the fallout from this included... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …objections from gays and old maids. The day was saved when Arnold turned the problem into a wet t-shirt fund raiser and so …. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...when the fans went wild for that he decided to go to the next step and bare all. Unfortunately... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …he was in New Jersey and the X Governor happened to witness this unorthodox campaigning and thought that he just might…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...take Aahnold for a "spin." But just as he approached the Governator, a Dickasaurus entered the room and the Ex-gov was sidetracked in his quest. He decided to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …invite the Dickasaurus over for a few “Anal Burner” cocktails. It was a good thing that those crafty people in China had just introduced the “Bit*h” condom, with the Dickasaurus as its target group. Just when things were…. |
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