| rfowkes |
| ...Helmut, whose VW Beetle was somehow stung by a Spider, ala Spider Man and who needed 8 new tires. Then... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| .. Gold tooth was nearly fired when he took in Uncle Filo’s bus as a trade in after smoking some wacky tobacco with the carwash girls. Then… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Sparkle and Buff had seen enough and decided to run away. They decided to try to hitch a ride on a passing freight train, but their method of flagging the train down to jump aboard showed a tremendous lack of planning on their part. Or maybe the fact that they weren't exactly rocket scientists played a role in their unfortunate decision. In any event... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …the first train that came by was somewhat overbooked but the engineer made room for the girls by getting rid of two Curds on board… |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...and once seated, the girls had a relatively uneventful ride. That is, until the train rounded a bend and passed a group of disgruntled railroad employees who chose to tell management exactly what they thought of the overcrowding conditions. In fact... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …they were showing their distain for the new TP which the railroad was using. It seemed to be a lot rougher and harder to use than the old brand. Someone had ordered a years supply from Halliburton and… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Sparkle and Buff had found exactly what they had been looking for! It seems that they shared an unusual quirk regarding their posterior anatomy and the usual Scott 1000 sheet rolls just didn't do it for them. Happily, they... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …ran into Corbin who had his dentistry tools with him. He convinced the girls that these were not the proper place for wisdom teeth to come in and so he began the gruesome task by… |
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| rfowkes |
| ...asking the girls to get ready for the procedure. Unfortunately, Sparkle and Buff weren't too swift and his request was misunderstood. The confusion resulted in... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …still more when Corbin told Buff he was going to straighten out her Beaver, she imagined something far different than the good dentist was going to do. Then.. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...he proceded to call on "Mr. Banana" to set the mood for what was to follow. Little did he know that... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …the girls had converted to the order of whips and nun- chucks , yes that was intended, and that Corbin’s dental assistant was about to make it impossible to eat the big banana which he had been obsessing with when…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...all of a sudden someone suggested that everyone calm down and have a drink. So the entire group took a break and mellowed out with some of Corbin's private stock. After this break... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| Corbin had the nerve to ask the head nun about the proper up keep of some new mail order equipment he had purchased. She explained that Zaino Bros' clay bar worked wonders for her rough skin and a little Z-6 make her areolas shine. Thanking her, |
|
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| rfowkes |
| ...he then proceeded to confer with Babs "Boom-Boom" Bennington, who showed him several techiques to strengthen his back muscles to handle the added weight of his new equipment. Babs told him to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….also stretch those leg muscles because it’s tough to get back up from picking up loose change. Also... |
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|
| rfowkes |
| ...in order maintain tone in those "thangs" Babs suggested some exercises that would focus in on that. Corbin felt that he now had more than enough information to keep "abreast" of the situation so he... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …entered the wet t-shirt contest put on by the local volunteer fire dept. The men knew how to deal with the likes of Corbin and thought his act needed cleaning up. Needless to say… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...they were a bit perturbed when he not only took all the water that they could dish out but actually swallowed most of it, making for a very unusual shaped belly. After consuming about 40 gallons of the liquid, Corbin proceeded to... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …see if those volunteers would like their fire hose back. Corbin had split the cloths he came with so he used the hose to his advantage. He was a little ticked off and was willing to take on all comers, when… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...out of nowhere he was approached by Mary "Massive Mammaries" Muldoon, who jumped out of the stands wearing her trademark laced stilletto shoes (to distract opponents) and yelling, "You want a piece of me?!?" Corbin was initially taken aback, but then he came up with a plan.... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| ..which was to carve out a rather enormous “schwanstucker” which just might scare off “M.M.M.M.” and the plan was working until Corbin realized Mary’s crying was in joy, not fright. The next thing that happened was beyond… |
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| rfowkes |
...belief as out of nowhere a Kangaroo appeared and boxed the Hasselblad camera out of the hands of an innocent bystander who was trying to capture all the action for the local newspaper!
Up until this time the most burning question had been, "How the heck does Mary (M.M.) Muldoon manage to shave her underarms?" but now the bigger question was.... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …why the upset roo. Why indeed, would a mother roo box a man with a camera? It seems that a Japanese tourist had stolen her little one and was going to test the theory of environmental influence vs. genetic code. Unfortunately for the Hasselblad man, he was mistaken for the roonapper and that… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...led to all kinds of confusion. But the biggest confrontation of all was about to occur when MAST ("Mothers Against Surrogate Teats") were about to unleash a massive protest against the Japanese experiment by bringing in Top Heavy Tina Titsworthy to show the boys what a "real" woman could provide in the breast-feeding category. The onlookers were amazed when... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …Tina’s friend Bubbles started to pump one of her Ta’s with San Miguel beer, in case the Japanese delegation wanted a sample. The line to Bubbles soon lapped the pool just as…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Mamie Van Do'em showed up with her own brand of cocktails. Now the onlookers had their choice of beverages and many of them... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …couldn’t keep their eyes off Mamie’s cocktails. Greatscot brought his own beer and nuts as it was BYOB, which some thought meant… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Bring your oversized boobs, and Wanda Wowser was pleased to oblige! Not only that, but... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| .. Nicolas Cage thought it meant, bring your own bride. It was rumored she left with someone in an MDX… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...and Garfield thought it meant Boff Your Own Babe. There there was... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …Hefner who thought it meant Bring Your Own Bunny. Hugh thought two would be nice. Then there was…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Loose Lizzie who thought that it meant to Bend Yourself Over Bra-less, a stunt that had gotten her banned from several grocery stores. And then there was... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….Mr. “X” who thought it meant Bring Your Own Butts. He decided that three would be appropriate. Then there was… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Betty Boomer who thought it meant, Bronskie Your Own Brother, so she brought him along to demonstrate her technique. And, of, course, then there was... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …..Charlie Sheen who thought it meant Bring Your Own Bimbos so he just happened to know a couple. And…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...then, of course, we couldn't leave out Gravity Gertie, who, as her 36 D's aged and drooped into 36 Longs, thought it meant Bathe Your Own Boobs, so she did just that to the amazement of the on-lookers. Then there was... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| RAF figured it meant Bring Your Own Boyhood photo and so he brought one fond memory in his early development stage. Then…… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...things went from the sublime to the ridiculous when one of the locals suggested that the "girls" might "Bust Your Own Beers." Enough was enough and it was suggested that... |
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|
| Mr. Mom |
| …things might be getting out of hand when Zafer rode in with a babe on board. It seemed she liked the attention of the locals which……. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...caused even more excitement when her girlfriend grabbed a freshly poured brewsky and began to show how she warmed up her "liquor." The local boys began to line up so that they could... |
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| Mr. Mom |
| …get a better view. The men seemed to be hypnotized by the possibilities the girl presented. However, after getting “warmed up”, Pedro dashed everyone’s hopes by coming down with a raging case of the crabs. Corbin went to work….. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...and quickly discovered the cause of the problem. It seems as though Pedro was a "love 'em and leave 'em" kinda guy and he didn't practice good hygiene. The excess build-up of his love juices had caused a severe situation which could only be remedied by a liberal use of Mrs. Smith's magical elixir. Corbin told Pedro to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …..apply the ointment and if he had any questions he should visit Miss Bustie at the health dept. She was familiar with Pedro’s predicament and was well known in the biker community as someone with a helping hand. Corbin also suggested to…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Pedro that he stop going to those wierd "blow it out of your butt" smoking parties since the dreaded "Nicotine Ass" (not to mention the make-up) had to be compounding his problems. If he hoped to ever get lucky with the ladies again he had to clean up his act (literally!) and start to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …wise up. He was to stop all activity involving his new bong suit and stay away from the laughing gas. Then… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
...he would probably stop hallucinating, a behavior that was becoming more and more common. Just the other day Pedro came into a room screaming about the "six-tittied perfect woman" that he had seen that morning.
Ridiculous!
Once that was taken care of... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …another little piece of the puzzle in Pedro’s mind clicked into place. He remembered that it was Knee, yes the wee one is back, which had given him the crabs when he borrowed his Speedo to sing in the barber shop quintet. This… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...explained a lot, especially since up 'til now Pedro had just assumed that his ailment was due to his brief encounter with a lady golfer who appeared to have a "problem." At least now he wouldn't have to explain to his wife what he was doing when he was supposed to be... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….earning pocket money by doing his street show. He tried to get rid of the critters by burning the pea patch. Most people thought it was just an accident, however, Pedro…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...knew better. This had to be the work of the infamous Jukes Brothers who had once before had their way with him by baptising him in the local lavatory. But boys will be boys, so Pedro decided to... |
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|
| Mr. Mom |
| Get even by giving Mr. Nelson, a friend of the Jukes, a dose on his mustache. Then… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...this incident brought up the whole question of NBA superstars being able to get threir rocks off, not only in the privacy of hotel rooms in Colorado (allegedly), but also in full view of the fans on national television. Shaq, for example, often buggered opponents under the guise of "tight" defense. Then there was... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| The incident at the BPAF challenge which stood for British Petroleum Alternative Fuel. Pedro thought it meant Butt Pirates All Fornicate and wore his favorite riding shorts. Then there was…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...the time when cousin Calvin, the contortionist, decided to take matters into his own hands and example the whole (no pun intended) "butt" issue as only he could do. Three days later, good old Cal... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| .. had a whole new attitude. Working out of his brothers (Pedro) garage, he was the only one in town who would check the back pressure after installing new mufflers. Using this rather unauthorized method, he was making quite a reputation for himself when one engine backfired OR... |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...something else as tantalizing to him. But there was a downside to Calvin's vehicular sexploits. It greatly affected his judgment regarding installations in the garage. For example, there was the time that he mistakenly installed some high performance gear in the town's school bus because he wasn't paying close attention to the work orders. It took the police two days to recover all the kids from the trees. One of the parents... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| , “Vice Grip” Vinny got even with Calvin at the next neighborhood soccer game. After the game …. |
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|
| rfowkes |
| Calvin resolved that enough was enough! He decided to start an exercise plan that would firm him up to the point where such attacks on his person would not affect him. Little did he know that... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..people just didn’t respect him because of the scooter he was engaged to. He had finally found a nice little hummer which never backfired and knew the value of a gallon of gas. This was… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...a lot better than his previous scooter which seemed to have a mind of its own and to "boldly go where Calvin had not gone before" and which had almost soured him to the idea of scooters entirely. Even though it was a Honda, the only good to come out of that experience was the realization that he ought to shed a couple of pounds. So Calvin had started on a rigid diet by... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| Getting a job that would curb his appetite. Being an Olympic Official checking athletes for suppository steroids seemed like the logical choice. After working a shift, he found that every time he raised his fork to his mouth, well, you get the idea. This…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...quickly led to unexpected results. Calvin's preoccupation with suppositories caused him to make a major mistake when administering his own medications. It seems that his hair was getting a little thin and that a doctor had prescribed a pill to deal with his impending baldness. With so much going on in his life it wasn't too long before Calvin messed things up. Because of this... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..he was afraid that he would have to cancel his command performance for the weight watchers clubs throughout Japan. Ever since the USA started the indoctrination of beef to their country, there …. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...was a substantial jump in the average weight of the Asian people. Part of this was due to George W.'s choice of ambassador to Japan - not exactly a poster boy for Slimfast. Calvin's cousin Chunky Arbuckle (shown here with his faithful companion, O'Cato), the new ambassador, was known to... |
|
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| Mr. Mom |
| …eat until he passed out. There was even the rumor he could eat in his sleep and this was the plan to plant a seed in the oriental mind to do the same. This compulsive disorder was going to…… |
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|
| rfowkes |
(we now return to our story after the server crash)
...increase the average weight of the Asian population by about 150 pounds/person. Chunky had already tried his method with his wife, Loretta, a petite size 2 who woke up one morning after Chunky's overnight treatment and found it a tad difficult to get into her jeans.
Loretta was so mad at her husband that she informed him the she wasn't going to be the only one not getting into her pants from now on, so Chunky... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …thought what was good for the goose was good for the gander. He called the local escort service and asked for a buxom blonde for a dinner date. This is cheaper than getting Loretta a tummy tuck, thought Chunky, and oh so much… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...more satisfying. Unfortunately, the operator mistook the phrase "buxom blonde" for "bust embalmed" and the next thing he knew a mannequin laced with formaldehyde was delivered to his hotel room. Chunky decided to make the best of an awkward situation so he... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….got a hold of Wacko Jacko who was looking for someone just like the “date” Chunky was sent. They seemed like they had a lot in common and so he left them to discover each others little peccadillo’s and decided it was time to… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...move on with his life. One of his friends suggested that the best way to clear his mind would be to eat some pussy, but Chunky didn't quite get the hang of it. Next up was an attempt to... |
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|
| laborlitigator |
| destroy the Roman Empire that had made a comeback. The Romans chose their new leader. . . |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …who was the war god named Dubya. Dubya was the son of the famous spy god and leader of the group against the evil empire. This… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
...patriarch had recently celebrated his 80th birthday by sky-diving, just as he had done on his 75th birthday. This time, however, he decided to try some moves that were taught to him by his conqueror, Big Bubba From Arkansas, in the hope that these newly acquired "skills" would teach him something that would allow his son from also becoming a one term wonder like him.
After landing, Senior George.... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …radioed up to boy Dubya and told him to get his ass in gear. He didn’t want any sissy in the family who could be the weak link to a revolt against the regime. There were… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...many reasons that Old George had to doubt the toughness of little Dubya. For one thing, there was the lad's fondness for his uncle Clyde who was known to don a tutu or two. Dubya thought he looked good in pink. Then there was... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …his cross dressing issues. When they told Dubya that he couldn’t be the Queen of America, he went… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...inside and decided to emerge as Pimp Daddy Dubya. This didn't sit well with Laura, who reacted by... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …sticking it to old Dubya by having a rather public furlough with Dubya’s chief political enemy. Poor Dubya saw the rug burns on her backside and he went … |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ..ballistic, vowing to run off to the theater with Dick Cheney to star in a revival of The Wizard of Oz. Laura took this all in stride and... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …went out to spread the word. There were so many souls to save and so little time and so much money to be made. Meanwhile, Dubya... |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...was busy opening the tee shirt that his friend, John Kerry, had sent to him. As he reached for a dictionary so that he could understand all the big words... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …the first lady was busy selling mothers little helpers. Women the world over had always wondered how she coped with the Dubya and now they knew. Meanwhile… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Dubya was back in the office trying to look up words and things on the Internet. Unfortunately, this was another area where his was a bit challenged. Accordingly... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …his launch in endorsements was looked upon with embarrassment form Laura. She tried to explain that the leader of the free world shouldn’t stoop to such a low level, but |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...he couldn't seem to get that image of the little kid in Iraq going about his business out of his mind and this inevitably led to embarrassing problems. Determined to regain control of his bladder, Dubya vowed to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …quit the booze and enter an AA program. Karl Rove was trying to figure out how to turn this to their advantage when Dubya…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Dubya came across some protestors. This time it was a good thing that he didn't read very well or understand words not found in a primary reader. Instead, Dubya went over to the protestors and... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …... thinking they were long haired hippies and that papa bush had said all long haired men were gay, Dubya said the following, |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ..."Hey girlfriends, mind if I join you?" The girls were not amused and they... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| Went to seek out the lawyers who where helping a Calif. woman who was wronged by the Dubya. Meanwhile, |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Dubya continued to explore his feminine side and thought he had mastered a pose that would attract attention from Hugh Hefner. However, he miscalculated and the next thing that he knew he... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …things were going bad to worse when rummy showed certain press members some of Dubya’s home movies. Then there was… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Dubya's tendency to exhibit the dreaded "foot in mouth" disease so prevalent among those with beady eyes. There were always a lot of fences to mend by the diplomatic corps in his wake. For example, a visit to Asia produced some embarrassing remarks. Then there was the matter of... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..the prisoner issue in Iraq. Dubya could not see what all the fuss was about. Then there was… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Dubya's tendency to start a job without thinking it through clearly. Apparently he had some attention deficiency disorder problems to deal with that caused him to jump into things. Accordingly... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Mr. Powell was a bit upset with Dubya’s reasoning ability. He was caught between the CIA and the Banana Man which in the end… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...caused Colin to consider running away and re-upping for active duty in the army. He had been told that the modern army offered some inducements that hadn't been present when he was originally in boot camp. Therefore... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| Colin wasn’t around to advise Dubya at the G 8 conferences. Poor George thought he should give a signal to show the Europeans he was a team player. After another kiss on Laura’s hand, Dubya went berserk and… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...flew off to the U.S. Open at Shinnecock, ripped off his clothes, and claimed that he was the nineteenth hole. The country had reason to be concerned, so... |
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|
