| Mr. Mom |
| …there was a group prayer in DC, but Colin was caught saying something that no one had the nerve to say, but secretly wanted to, and so things…… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
...turned ug-lee when Rumsfeld ordered a "hit" on the Powell Family Outing. With Howard Stern in the cockpit taking direct aim at Colin's son the FCC chief, the duo thought they could kill two birds with one stone and perform a tremendous service for both Dubya and for the broadcasting industry.
However, unexpectedly... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..rumors started to circle around that there were “photos” of the prisoners sent home. Karl Rove could not put a spin on a photo and so things started to unravel. Rummy didn’t help matters any with a slip up at the academy, and so…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Dubya had no choice but to assign Richard "Big Dick" Dumbrowski to "Operation Rubout Rummy" before matters got out of hand. Things didn't go as planned, however, and after the attack people started to think about the "second penis" theory (hypothesize does matter) which ultimately led the blame right back to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ….the commander in chief, who, as always, was going on vacation when things went into the fan. However, it was getting harder to find a country that would welcome Dubya’s visit. Where ever he went….. |
|
|
| DaleB |
| ...he was met with concern and doubt, it was at this point dubya took a deep breath closed his eyes... with all his might pulled on inspiration from the past that always kept him going.... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..which was father jacko who had taught him to count his blessings because things can always get worse. In fact many people thought the father looked a lot like Michael Jackson and also thought the alter boys looked uncomfortable around the man, but Dubya…. |
|
|
| DaleB |
| repeated a little jingle in his head during times of stress, "though Father may look like a thriller, he was never short at the tiller..." |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..however the large “staff” around Dubya noticed that someone was short at the “tiller”. This lead to some embarrassing moments with visiting heads of state and the joint chiefs… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...decided that something had to be done to straighten Dubya out. They settled on a plan that had worked with the previous administration and ordered a slight remodeling of the oval office to facilitate matters. But Laura was not amused and she... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..sent the secret service (SS) to round up the Dubya and get him straight to church. After all the election was only months away and.. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...it was time for Dubya to find his way. Unfortunately, the signage wasn't helping matters so... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …no matter which road Dubya took, it would turn full circle and reality started to blur and before anyone knew it a strange transformation started to take place and… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...the protests by concerned citizens became more and more numerous and outspoken. The Republican National Committee had to do something quickly, so... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …they distracted the public by wanting to rent a luxury yacht. As the protests turned to the GOP as being out of touch with poor republican members…. |
|
|
| DaleB |
| The protest raged on, reaching the left coast right after the Governator took office..... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …and it was then that Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger announced the appointment of Kobe Bryant as Special Prosecutor to investigate allegations of sexual misconduct made against Mr. Schwarzenegger during the California recall campaign. Meanwhile.. |
|
|
| DaleB |
| He also appointed a woman to take the newly created post of Cuban Entertainer Coordinator in the hope of quelling some bad blood between Florida and California. Her first assignment will be to hold a function for improving relations between Anita Bryant followers and the gay community. The theme will be, "Who gives a C or F, it's Only an Orange" |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...Meanwhile, back in Cuba, some of Desi's relatives were thinking up ways to escape to the US without having to go through the whole "boat people" scenario. Cousins Felipe and Manny tried a rollerskating ballet routine but met with little success. Then there was... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Arnolds secret idle OJ who figured it was an excellent opportunity to cash in on the current anti-Arab climate. He exclaimed the real killer was El Bin Stabbing and the he (OJ) wanted to be reinstated as the official Florida Orange Juice spokesman. Arnold agreed and.. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...sent over his secretary of information, Big Momma Maulberry, to explain to O.J. exactly what would be expected of him in his new role and exactry how to behave. O.J. was not amused when Big Momma... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …said she had one stop to make in the triangle area to see someone called Zafer. It seems that this individual had played a dirty trick on her with a rather crude birthday cake when she was just being neighborly and thought everything was on the up & up. Back in…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
...The Hood things were reaching the boiling point when cousin Leroy went outside to start making his rounds as a bicycle messenger only to discover that there was a slight problem.
"That's the last straw!" he exclaimed and proceeded to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..get into his armored bulldozer and headed downtown. His first stop was at local Crip hangout where he pulverized the place. Then it was off to… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ..."Locks R' Us" where his friend Bubba had gone to "hood-proof" his bike. Once that was taken care of... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …it was time for some fun at the local arcade. They had a wonderful game called shoot Joe Citizen which everyone was trying to top his best score of 2,500. That would in title you to a free membership into the NRA. Next he… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ..hopped back on his new bike and headed downtown. There he discovered a brand new bike rack provided by the local Chamber of Commerce. After parking his wheels, Leroy... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …ended up causing a disturbance on Hollywood Blvd. Leroy needed a girl in the worst way and so he solicited a pro for the fist time ever. As they headed to the motel 6… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...she asked him if he wanted a $5 bag or a $25 bag. Not sure what to do, Leroy chose to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …remember the last time he was with a bag girl. It had been a long stretch without any nooky and in desperation he was forced to buy a date for the Halloween party. Needless to say …. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...that was one night that he "got lucky" without any resistance from his partner. In fact, the only other time that he had a cooperative partner was during that summer in Nantucket when he entered the local sex race. But the good times were few and far between since those days so Leroy... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..hookup with an old friend and headed off to the local pussy cat theater. It seemed to Leroy that Pee Wee always wore an overcoat no matter how hot the weather was. He always broke out in a sweat halfway through the show but this… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
...was nothing compared to PeeWee's propensity to dress up as the Easter Bunny and lure willing Grandmas back to his Pleasure Playhouse for perverted egg hunts. (I won't tell you where he hid the eggs!)
Leroy, thoroughly disgusted with the whole situation... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …decided that if he couldn’t get a woman, maybe he could get a man. Everything was going fine until Elmer from St. George, UT, bit into one of his ample apples and… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...before he knew it, he felt like the biggest ass in the world! However, stupidity wasn't the only thing that Elmer had to worry about because... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..the boys back in cell block 13 were looking for fresh talent. It seems that Elmer had broken a parole rule regarding groping in public and so it was back… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...to the slammer for him where he was expected to provide all sorts of nasty services. Elmer couldn't take this crap anymore so he decided to break out. Little did he know that even more crap was waiting for him on the "outside" so... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …he became know as “Elmer the sh*t house mouse” from then on. Once the screws had him in the can, they recycled Elmer into solitary. Back at the Capital…. |
|
|
| ByeByeChrysler |
Bush was preparing............ |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...a meal to mend some fences with the French. He had heard that they love Frogs Legs so Dubya the Gourmet Chef was busily at work cooking. Somewhere else in the country, The Muppets were just beginning to realize that one of their friends was missing. Luckily... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| Laura was being the diplomatic first lady and none were the wiser. After dinner… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| Big Bird and Elmo passed around some of the novelty mints that Bubba Clinton had sent them for the holidays. Laura was... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..Somewhat shy about showing off the Willie she had gotten from the French president. She let herself drift off remembering that evening at the Crazy Horse cabaret and that after dinner chocolate Willie, what a mouthful! Dubya had… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...been so distraght by Laura's actions that he had contemplated suicide. However, as with most of his plans, Dubya didn't think things out clearly and eventually gave up this idea when it became apparent that this wasn't a quick fix. Meanwhile, back in Montana... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| Luke just sat down to eat his favorite dinner of prairie oysters when Linda Lou asked him if he need a warmer and pointed to his… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ..."boys" in an effort to help him out. Luke replied, "No thank you" but offered to warm up her "bits and pieces" in that special way that had been handed down to him by an Blackfoot chief during his formative years. Linda Lou smiled and... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …said in her best husky voice, can I lick the cream off of that for you? Luke felt his oysters rise up and he looked out the window at the breeding pens and said… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
..."Whatever floats your Root Beer, honey! And while you're at it, why don't we head across the street to The Spa? I'm sure that you'll think of something to accommodate me!"
And with that, Luke and Linda Lou... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..eased out of the greasy spoon and it was then that Luke heard the crowd hooting it up over at the Breeding Pen, which was the name of the local tavern. “Well dagnabit” Luke muttered, Bobbie Jean must be doing her bikini bull riding show and… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...we should go check it out before heading over to The Handcock Spa." But once again fate intervened. Missy, the Greasy Spoon's long time short order cook, was in the alley taking out the trash. Luke had meant to talk to her about her lousy cooking and this seemed like an appropriate time to handle matters. Little did he know that Missy had a defense plan that was surely going to catch him off guard. As he approached her... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Luke noticed Missy was going to her dance class after work. He told her about the cold prairie oysters and she offered to make it up to him by warming them up again. Missy got in a rather exotic position she was dying to try out while Luke unzipped… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| his pet squirrel, Bucky, to reveal the most unusual superhero that Missy had ever seen. Not only that, but Bucky was able to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
Attract a huge following of the opposite sex. Bucky packed two of the largest nuts in the county and the ladies loved to see Bucky strut his stuff. Luke turned his attention back to..
(Mr. Mom will be on break until July 4th, anyone care to take over, please do)) |
|
|
| rfowkes |
...Missy, who was getting bored waiting for Luke and who had started drinking a cup of coffee in that special way of hers. As she did this, suddenly...
(have a good one, Mr. Mom. We'll be here when you get back)
:) |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| Linda Lou decided she must appeal to Luke’s more basic instinct by going for his sweet tooth. Hoping Luke would come around she…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
...tried sugar coating her assets. When that didn't work she then offered to make sure that his brew was cold by testing it in a way that had made her famous throughout the Pacific Northwest. When that didn't faze Luke, she ...
(welcome back, Mr. Mom) |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
..offered up her special champagne cocktail with one of those fancy sugar cubes, butt that only…
(thanks Doc) |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...caused Luke to yawn for some strange reason. Before calling in the medics to see if he still had a pulse, Linda Lou decided to up the ante a notch by uncorking a bottle of her special reserve Champagne. After warming up the glasses and assorted body parts with her unique technique, she... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …heard a knock on the door and there stood Luke’s mama, who needed the cows milked and the fences mended. The party’s over thought… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
...Linda Lou, and she hightailed it outta there.
"Hell," said Luke, "It's never over until the fat lady sings, and I'm looking at one fine piece of pulchritude right here in front of me!"
And with that, he approached Mama, whistling the Tennessee Waltz in a seductive fashion and the next thing she knew, Mama was getting ready for some down right nasty (and illegal in many states) action.
Unluckily for the both of them, at that very moment... |
|
|
| ByeByeChrysler |
Mama, knew about the group hug next door.................. |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …and Luke was saved from eternal damnation because Ma swung both ways. He also glanced over at a most glorious sight of two sweethearts on the bench and… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...walked over to them to offer his services to relax their pussies. Unfortunately, the ladies didn't realize that he was an ASPCA Certified Feline Professional and took his remarks the wrong way. Accordingly, they began to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …doubt Luke’s strange story regarding the largest pussy he ever saw taking on a hot rod. However it did sound interesting to the girls and… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...reminded one of them of the time that her boyfriend took a closeup of her pussy and posted it on the Internet. She had never lived that down but got her revenge by... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …giving Luke’s cat an enema, after feeding it a large can of Skippy peanut butter, then turning it loose inside his double wide trailer. Needless to say… |
|
|
| ByeByeChrysler |
...others were getting wet too.... |
|
|
| laborlitigator |
| and then all of a sudden, the news came over the radio that. |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..Luke’s brother Jarred had gone loco and was about to wipe out the town. They sent for… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ..,Happy the Hippo, who was known to provide the ultimate soaking. As Happy was being maneuvered into place the usual precautionary measures were taken. However... |
|
|
| ByeByeChrysler |
...group sex was on the minds of many men in the area......... |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...audience and it took a concerted effort by others in attendence to cool them off before something ugly happened. Once they calmed down Jarred asked them to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..quit putting lacquerer thinner in the carwash rinse water. His ride was looking like a marshmallow and he didn’t… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...appreciate it. He also wasn't too happy with the way that valet parking was handling his automobile. But the thing that pissed Jarred off the most about his car was... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …when he went outside to buff out the final coat of Zano and found that Luke had taken it out for a spin. Jarred was ready to climb back on his backyard defender and …. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...was appalled to see what Luke had done to his car. Not only was he appalled, but the various onlookers voiced their opinion regarding Luke's actions. Jarred, now in a vengeful mood... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..gave Luke a swirly for a full ten minutes down at the Breeding Pen’s men’s room after the big rodeo dance. Billie Bob, the bar tender, had given out free Buffalo wings and pickled eggs all evening and they were so busy, he forgot to rinse the soap off the beer glasses, so…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
...needless to say the commode had seen a lot of action that night and was a bit gamier than usual. So Luke hollered and yelped as Jarred gave him his baptism.
Unfortunately, in all the commotion the fellas didn't see the rather omnimous creature trying to take a whizz at the other end of the room. All the yelling and screaming was upsetting Ol' Smokey's gentle disposition since he had a bit of a bladder problem and the lack of concentration caused by the ruckus certainly didn't help matters. Finally, not very happy with the whole situation... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..the bear decided to get in on the fun. Poor Luke had spent a week or two in the county lockup and knew how to avoid potential problems, however he’s choice with the bear turned ugly and… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...when the smoke cleared, Ole Smokey wasn't satisfied. So he took off for more action and came across a polar bear who was trying to sleep off an overdose of those spicy Buffalo Wings and Pickled Eggs. Whitey's stomach wasn't quite right and amorous attempts by Smokey didn't do anything to allieviate the situation. In fact, the added vibration caused Whitey's gastrointestinal tract to back up and the sudden release of pressure catapulted him clear across Flathead Lake. The on-lookers could do nothing but... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| think that it was ole Smokey who had gotten into Jared’s not-so-secrete stash of enhancement pills. He was know as “the fireman” to all the ladies because of his prowess of putting out the ladies hot spots around town. Jared liked to put a handful of the “flies” into the punch bowl at the church social and… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...then have his way with them. Most of the time this would work, but sometimes he would have to resort to something subtle from his extensive collection of T-shirts to get the desired results. Then there was the time that neither garments nor chemical stimulants did the job so Jarred had to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| go on Midnight Patrol, which meant cruising the bars at closing time and scoping up some poontang for some potential scoring. Yes sir, nothing like some whisker biscuits after a night of dancing and beer drinking, smiled Jarred. Luke however had the looks to… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...avoid having to resort to the 3 a.m. street scene. Instead he was able to get whatever he wanted. In fact, to Luke women were nothing more than a game to be played with like pawns. Unfortunately, he took this philosophy a bit too far and actually believed he was "Grand Master Stud." In reality, however, he was nothing but a... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..average white guy with a lesbian mother and a brother with a phallus complex and didn’t know who his dear dad was. In other words, a typical product of the American post war baby boomer generation. He tried to… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...keep his women in line by using various subtle techniques that would allow him to get his way. However, Luke didn't understand that such actions were counterproductive at best. In fact, his most recent girl friend... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …took a few pictures of ole Luke and got even by putting them on the net. Poor Luke had to change his…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...methods to avoid further embarrassment. He decided to start by heading down to the local Fitness Spa to work on his body in order to impress the ladies. Unfortunately it was one of those "modern" spas where the panty-ass techniques didn't really produce results. Next he... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..hit the fitness bar where instead of carrot juice, they had bud light on tap. This lead to some unusual clients and some hanky panky going on, especially in the |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...back room where anything was fair game. One couple showed up for "masquerade night" dressed as "Babaar and the Beagles." Then there was... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …Luke Jr. at the prom with a rather slick move caught on camera for the yearbook. After that…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
...Luke Jr. couldn't wait to brag to his peers about his accomplishments on the dance floor. When Cousin Carl heard his tale he couldn't help but think about a quite similar encounter at the lake, albeit in reverse, between himself and the lovely camp counselor, Torrid Tina. This memory brought a smile to his face, even though it ended up quite embarrassing when he tried to "close the deal" later on.
Meanwhile... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..the Montana summer Bike Anthon was in full bloom. It was to draw attention to the plight of using animal products for bike seats. The person who picked the wining biker got a free…. |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...ride on Big Jack, Montana's famous Rodeo Rabbit. Luke picked the winning rider, so he got the honors at the Annual Three Forks Rodeo. As they saddled up Big Jack... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …johnny “ring neck” jackalope, Big’s cousin and manager, started taking bets on whether or not Luke could stay up on Jacks back for ten seconds. The odds were… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
...made even higher when it was discovered that Luke spent the previous night sleeping off a hangover from his participation in the Montana Mid-Summer "So You Want To Be A Santa Pervert" contest held annually over in Butte. There was a good chance that Luke wouldn't be up for the task, much less be able to complete it.
However, just when everyone was about to give up... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| …when there was a rumor that the Unabomber had escaped and was headed back to Helena for some unfinished business. Unknown to the FBI, Big Jack was the messenger for Theodore and also the deliver of the manifesto to the wrong address. Big Jack suddenly felt in the need for speed and… |
|
|
| rfowkes |
| ...bolted from the pickup to head out to meet up with his pal, Babaar, to plan his next course of action. Unbeknownst to him, the big fella had been involved in an ill-fated "Big Blue" ad campaign and his current appearance would be of no help in any operation involving a low profile. Realizing that Babaar would not be an option, Big Jack then turned to... |
|
|
| Mr. Mom |
| ..Jo Jo, who had helped Big Jack out of a few sticky situations before. Jo had a rather | | | |
