| JMT2003 |
My sister is a single parent of three who never did well when it came to choosing a man. So, she has struggled, like many single parents do, to provide for her children. Her oldest child is now seventeen and has reached a critical juncture. He has issues with figures of authority, has no education, has just been sent packing from Job Corps and has returned home. :1zhelp:
Unlike many parents who welcome their children back, regardless of any infraction, Mr. Man is no longer welcome at home. My Sister is legally responsible for him until he reaches 18, so she fears that she may become liable for his actions.
He truly is a fine young man. He simply, lacked the supervision that was required while his mother worked to clothe and nourish him.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
They live in LA. |
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| BLACK-BLING-MDX |
| Show him love and put him on the right track. That's the Indian mentality. It doesn't matter even when he turns 18 and is legally not your sister's responsibility. Even after 18, she should look after him and put him on the right track. Or, another possibility is that you take him in and help him. Has he finished high-school? If not, get him his GED. That is of utmost importance. The next step would be to enroll him in a community college, maybe in an IT program. If he does not want to go to college, then you or your sister should help him look for a job and let him stay with you or her until he's stable on his own two feet. You being an Uncle to this child should try to be a father figure if there was never one. It's never too late. I'm sorry if I have offended you or anyone else. I just find that some Americans are happy when their children turn 18 and throw them out of the house into the cruel world we live in. Sure, they need to learn responsibility and how to live on their own, but you should never turn down the opportunity to help them. Seeing as you are so worried and concerned, it shows that you love them, so step in and do something! All we can truly offer you is advice, the action needs to come from you or your sister. Good luck! Again, my apologies in advance if I have offended you or anyone else. |
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| jswift2000 |
| Bling said it best - love the kid, hug the kid and show him you care. The kid, or young man so to speak, is at a fork in the road and you want to make sure he takes the correct path. My brother had a very difficult time with my parents when he was that age and they pushed through it and kept on loving him. I dont know your sister's situtation so I wont comment but maybe, as someone suggested, take him in for a summer. It would be a great change of pace and may help him choose the correct path. Good luck. |
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| JMT2003 |
Let me begin by thanking all of you.
BLACK-BLING-MDX, he has not finished High School. Mr. Man is an outstanding football player, but lacks greatly in the academic arena. For years, I begged and pleaded for my sister to relocate to Hampton Roads, VA so that Mr. Man would have a chance, but she refuses to leave her job with United Airlines to settle for less in wages School sports in VA get a lot of airtime on the local news and just maybe in the right program he could be convinced to attend his classes.
I communicate with the young lad often and all I can say is that ‘he talks a good talk,’ but lacks with the follow-through.
I see that one of the posts has been deleted. Sis has gone to buy that tough book.
jswift2000, I have the niece and nephews visit for few weeks at a time so that they can see more than just LA. In fact, they probably travel more than most kids because of the discount the airlines give to their employees. My son has attempted to stray to the dark side whenever Mr. Man is here. Lucky for me, only a slight adjustment is needed to correct his course. My hope is that my son can rub off on him.
Again, my thanks…
:) |
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| XStatic |
I have to agree, tough decision for you but it sounds like the best opportunity is for you to take him in.
Don't make it easy though, you shouldn't be a haven for peace in his life, sounds like he need a drill Sargent right now. Perhaps you can find someone that has that kind of experience to help you out. The goal is to break through so you can show him they way, not just make life hard for no reason. Make him work hard for a realistic and obtainable goal that he wants to achieve. What does he want out of his life? Tell him you will help him get there but you need his help to do so.
Maybe some visits to homeless shelters, prisons, or drug rehab wards will help him see what will happen if he doesn't turn around.
Good luck, I can only hope I don't face anything that heart wrenching... |
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| trixie |
I am a great parent that wishes he knew the secret to raising a good kid. If I knew the secret, I would make millions by sharing it with everyone. Your sister needs to know that she is not a bad person or a bad parent. Although she has a responsibility to see the kid turn 18, that's where her responsibility ends. Mr. Man needs to know that his free ride is over. Becoming an adult is hard work and education is critical. There are no free rides. There may be gold in XStatic's comment about the drill Sergent. The kid could be salvaged by the military. It's not UCLA, or even junior college, but it's way better than prison.
Your sister needs help now. It is probably too late for counseling. Mr. Man's presence at home may be out of the question or even dangerous. Does he have alternative housing options? Does the military accept kids at 17 under special circumstances? You need to make sure that your sis receives help. |
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