| BaldEagle |
A man and a blonde were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The blonde sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the blonde sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose and then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the blonde might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed, when the blonde sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the blonde and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?
"I am sorry if I disturbed you. I have a very rare medical condition. Whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The blonde nodded, "Pepper". |
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| mdxx3 |
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT |
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| drjay |
NAME THAT THING!
Ray walks into a bar and quickly realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink. Besides, the world would be a much better place if we'd stop judging each other and learn to live and let live."
When the gay barman approaches, he says to Ray, "What's the name of your penis?" Ray says, "I'd rather not get into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The bartender says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine, for instance, is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because 'It really satisfies.'"
Ray looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he'll give him a few minutes to think it over. Ray asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man looks back and says with a smile, "Timex." Ray asks, "Why Timex?" The guy proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!"
A little shaken, Ray looks to the man on his right, who is sipping a Margarita and says, "So, what do you call your penis?" The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "Ford, because Quality is Job 1." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"
Even more shaken, Ray has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is Secret. Now give me a Heineken, please." The bartender begins to pour the beer, but with a puzzled look he asks, "Why Secret?"
Ray looks around and proudly says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!" |
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| EXCALIBUR |
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean? I'm fine."
"What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the Doc fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Oh yeah? Well what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the Doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," said the bartender, "what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird crap!"
"Well, I really wasn't used to the hook yet.":1pat: |
|
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| Goodgirl |
quote:
Originally posted by EXCALIBUR
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean? I'm fine."
"What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the Doc fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Oh yeah? Well what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the Doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," said the bartender, "what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird crap!"
"Well, I really wasn't used to the hook yet.":1pat:
OUCH:D |
|
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| drjay |
quote:
Originally posted by EXCALIBUR
. . . "Well, I really wasn't used to the hook yet.":1pat:
:21: |
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| BaldEagle |
A foursome is waiting on the men's tee while another foursome of ladies is hitting from the ladies' tee.
The ladies are taking their time, when finally the last lady is ready to hit the ball. She hacks it 10 feet;
goes over to it, whiffs it; and then hacks it maybe another 10 feet; and then hacks it another 5 feet.
She looks up at the men who are watching and says apologetically, "I
guess all those f--king lessons I took this winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately replies, "Well, there you have it lady.
You should have taken golf lessons instead!" |
|
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| BaldEagle |
It was a hot day in Minnesota. Helga hung out the wash to dry, put a roast in the oven, and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning..
"Gootness, it's hotter dan hell today," she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street. She passed a tavern and thought, "Vy nodt?"
So she walked in and took a seat at the bar. The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink.
"Ya know," Helga said, "it is zo hot, I tink I'll have myself a cold beer."
"Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.
Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yur viener? |
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| sobrien1087 |
WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a ****. |
|
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| Goodgirl |
Little Harry
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks,
was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade.
My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is!
I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office,
the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test.
If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to
go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him
and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."
And so it went with every question
the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,
"I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps in to?"
Harry: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious
and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide
and before he could stop the answer,
Harry replied, "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up,
a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K'
that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
"Put Harry in the fifth-grade,
I got the last seven questions wrong......:eek: |
|
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| BaldEagle |
A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the African desert.
During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up Behind the mess tent.
He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 Men here on the post & no women. And sir, sometimes the men
Have "urges". That's why we have Molly the Camel."
The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, But I understand about "urges", so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having His own "urges". Crazy with passion, he asks The Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.
Putting a ladder behind the camel, The Captain climbs the ladder, Pulls his pants down & has wild, Insane sex with the camel.
When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"
"No not really, sir...they usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are." |
|
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| drjay |
The following e-mail was forwarded to my New Jersey office yesterday:
-----Forwarded Message-----
Subject: A first for NJ Governor
Jon Corzine is the first NJ governor to be in a car accident while in office...
although speculation is pretty certain that former governor Jim McGreevy was
rear-ended a few times. |
|
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| ByeByeChrysler |
A Son asked his mother the following question:
"Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies,
"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says,
"Son, all household appliances are white" |
|
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| sobrien1087 |
quote:
Originally posted by drjay
The following e-mail was forwarded to my New Jersey office yesterday:
-----Forwarded Message-----
Subject: A first for NJ Governor
Jon Corzine is the first NJ governor to be in a car accident while in office...
although speculation is pretty certain that former governor Jim McGreevy was
rear-ended a few times.
Ouch! :21: :19:
That's Father McGreevy you know! Talk about adding insult to injury! |
|
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| TooHypper |
An old man lived alone in New Mexico . He wanted to plant his chili garden,
but it was very hard work. His only son, Francisco, who used to help him,
was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his
predicament:
Oye Francisco, I feeling pretty bat cuz I do not tink I will be able to
plant my chile gardenz this year. I just getting too viejo to dig a garden,
but if you waz here, all mi problemas wood be over. I know you wood dig the
lot for me. Siempre, tu Papa.
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Papa,
Por favor, no, don't dig up the garden, that's where I buried the BODIES!
Love, Francisco
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police showed up and dug
up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old
man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the chiles now. It's the best I could do.
Love, Francisco |
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| ByeByeChrysler |
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk, I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
Oh, I don't know", said the stranger, "How about nuclear power?"
"OK", she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
The little girl replied, "Do you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shiet?" |
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| EXCALIBUR |
A man was driving down an Alaskan road and his car suddenly broke down. He phoned the Alaskan Mobile Fixit Service and they arrived shortly after.
The service man opened the hood and after a while he looked up and said, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
The man replied, "No, it's just frost on my moustache.":D |
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| drjay |
Short Password
Maureen was helping her husband, Bill, set up his computer. At the appropriate point in the process, Bill was instructed to enter a password—something he would use to log on to the computer.
Bill was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would use the opportunity to bring this to Maureen’s attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in: P - E - N - I - S.
Maureen fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied: ***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*** |
|
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| BaldEagle |
First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving their first
anatomy class, with a real dead cow.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a
white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Vet
Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The
first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the
butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and
do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out , hesitated for several minutes. But eventually
took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking
on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them,
"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle
finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention." |
|
|
| Goodgirl |
THE big BUG
A man and a woman were driving down the road, arguing about his
deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reached over and
sliced the man's wiener off. Angrily, she tossed it out the car window.
Driving behind the couple was a man and his 6-year-old daughter.
The little girl was chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the wiener smacked their car windshield, stuck for a moment, and then
flew off.
Surprised, the daughter asked her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"
Shocked, but not wanting to expose his little girl to anything
sexual at such a young age, the father replied, "It . . . it was only a
bug, Honey."
The daughter sat with a confused look on her face and after a
moment said. "sure had a big d**k, didn't it?"
:D |
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| drjay |
Here are three Little Red Riding Hood jokes sure to make you chuckle if not
laugh out loud. The first was e-mailed to me at work by a colleague. Every time
I thought about it that day, I couldn't keep myself from laughing. Enjoy!
===
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the
Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to her throat, said,
"Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket
and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "Oh no you're not!
You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
===
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big
Bad Wolf crouched down behind a bush.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, and
this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.
"My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again,
this time crouched down behind a big rock.
"My, what big teeth you have, Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that, the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you f**k off?
I'm trying to take a s**t!"
===
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods on the way to visit
her grandmother, when suddenly a wolf jumped out from behind a tree.
"Ah-ha!" the wolf said, "Now I've got you. And I'm going to eat you!"
"Eat! Eat! Eat!" Little Red Riding Hood said angrily. "Damn it! Doesn't
anybody f**k anymore?" |
|
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| zafer |
Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school
parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1970 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his
car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail
and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for
traumatized students and teachers.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1970 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up
best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge
them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1970 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the
Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class
again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin; Becomes a zombie; Tested for
ADD; School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a
disability.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives
him a whipping with his belt.
1970 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to
college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster
care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she
remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom
has affair with psychologist.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1970 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car
searched for drugs and weapons.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1970 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, and goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear
nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for
graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state
school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core
curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway, but ends up mowing lawns
for a living because he cannot speak English.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July,
puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, and blows up a red ant
bed.*
1970 - Ants die.
2007 - ATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic
terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home,
computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list; not
allowed to fly again.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee.
He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1970 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She
faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of
psycho-therapy. |
|
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| greatscot |
| Hi zafer, nice to see you back on the board. :D |
|
|
| sobrien1087 |
A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, and dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.
"I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' License plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk; naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car." |
|
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| Goodgirl |
Medical Insurance Explained
Q. What does HMO Stand For?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey Moe." Its roots go back to a concept poineered by Moe of the "Three Stooges", who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.
Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing our parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-days drive away and a diploma from a third world country.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomachache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.
Q. Will health care be different in the next decade?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
To your good health (because as you'll see, you'll need it!) |
|
|
| ROTORRAY |
A cowboy, who is visiting Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though." |
|
|
| drjay |
George W. Bush meets with the Queen of England.
He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle."
The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, Your Majesty?"
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, “That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," says the Queen. "That will be all for now, Tony."
Back at the White House, Bush asks to speak with vice president Dick Cheney.
"Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that one."
Cheney goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall.
Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Colin Powell yells back, “That's easy. It's me!”
Cheney smiles and says, "Thanks!" He goes back to the Oval Office to speak with Bush.
"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell."
Bush gets up, stomps over to Cheney, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!" |
|
|
| TooHypper |
quote:
Originally posted by drjay
George W. Bush meets with the Queen of England.
He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle."
The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, Your Majesty?"
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, “That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," says the Queen. "That will be all for now, Tony."
Back at the White House, Bush asks to speak with vice president Dick Cheney.
"Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that one."
Cheney goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall.
Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Colin Powell yells back, “That's easy. It's me!”
Cheney smiles and says, "Thanks!" He goes back to the Oval Office to speak with Bush.
"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell."
Bush gets up, stomps over to Cheney, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"
NICE :2: |
|
|
| drjay |
After I sent "Dubya and Cheney: An Intelligence Riddle" to one of my longtime friends
(a staunch conservative Republican), she promptly e-mailed the following joke to me.
Enjoy!
2008 DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION -- AGENDA
7:00 pm -- Opening flag burning
7:15 pm -- Pledge of Allegiance to the U.N.
7:20 pm -- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:25 pm -- Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton
7:45 pm -- Ceremonial tree hugging
7:55 pm -- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:00 pm -- "How I Invented the Internet," Al Gore
8:15 pm -- Gay Wedding with Barney Frank, Officiating
8:35 pm -- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:40 pm -- "Our Troops are War Criminals," John Kerry
9:00 pm -- Memorial service for Saddam and his sons, Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
10:00 pm -- "Answering Machine Etiquette," Alec Baldwin
11:00 pm -- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:05 pm -- Collection for the Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund, Barbra Streisand
11:15 pm -- "Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay," Sean Penn
11:30 pm -- "Oval Office Affairs," Bill Clinton
11:45 pm -- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:50 pm -- "How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers," Howard Dean
12:15 am -- "Truth in Broadcasting Award," Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore
12:25 am -- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:30 am -- Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am -- Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi
1:00 am -- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
1:05 am -- Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton
1:30 am -- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
1:35 am -- Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home |
|
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| sobrien1087 |
| That sounds 'bout right for an elite gathering of jackasses. |
|
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| keremoner |
quote:
Originally posted by sobrien1087
That sounds 'bout right for an elite gathering of jackasses.
How true. God help us. |
|
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| Blackura |
Here we go again with the political crap. I thought we all agreed: no more of this.
Back to the jokes please. |
|
|
| EXCALIBUR |
A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation centre.
Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh.":drool: |
|
|
| ROTORRAY |
Just before his son's eighth birthday, the Sultan said, "Son, you bring much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to watch cartoons."
His father bought him Disney Studios.
Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan said, "Son, you are my life. Your birthday is coming soon. Ask what you wish, I will get it for you"
His son, who had grown to love Disney, replied, "Daddy, I would like a Mickey Mouse outfit and a Goofy outfit"
His father bought him the Democratic Party and CBS News. |
|
|
| Goodgirl |
THE ZIPPER
A MAN WALKED INTO A SUPERMARKET WITH HIS ZIPPER DOWN.
A LADY CASHIER WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID, "YOUR BARRACKS
DOOR IS OPEN." NOT A PHRASE THAT MEN NORMALLY USE, HE WENT
ON HIS WAY LOOKING A BIT PUZZLED.
WHEN HE WAS ABOUT DONE SHOPPING, A MAN CAME UP AND SAID,
YOUR FLY IS OPEN." HE ZIPPED UP AND FINISHED HIS SHOPPING.
AT THE CHECKOUT, HE INTENTIONALLY GOT IN THE LINE WHERE THE
LADY WAS THAT TOLD HIM ABOUT HIS "BARRACKS DOOR."
HE WAS PLANNING TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN WITH HER, SO WHEN HE
REACHED THE COUNTER HE SAID, "WHEN YOU SAW MY BARRACKS
DOOR OPEN, DID YOU SEE A MARINE STANDING IN THERE AT ATTENTION?"
THE LADY (NATURALLY SMARTER THAN THE MAN) THOUGHT FO R A
MOMENT AND SAID , "NO, NO I Didn't. ALL I SAW WAS A DISABLED
VETERAN SITTING ON A COUPLE OF OLD DUFFEL BAGS." |
|
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| BaldEagle |
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises,
two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened to you?'
'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a
difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for
them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows had
something white in its rear end."
"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf
ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt.
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks
like yours!'"
I don't remember much after that... |
|
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| BaldEagle |
It was Richard the UPS man's last day on the job after
delivering packages for 35 yrs. in the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at his first house, he was greeted
by the whole family and given a gift envelope.
At the second house they gave him a box of fine cigars.
The third house handed him a selection of the finest fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met by a beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand and led him upstairs where she blew
his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he'd had enough, she fixed him a huge breakfast:
Eggs, potatoes, ham, blueberry waffles and orange juice. As she was
pouring him some coffee he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from
under the coffee cup.
All of this is just too wonderful for words," he said.
"But what's the dollar for?"
"Well, she said, "Last night I told my hubby that today was your last day
and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to
give you and he said, "Screw him. Give him a dollar."
"The breakfast was my idea." |
|
|
| EXCALIBUR |
An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him.
"It did? I'm sorry to hear that," she replied.
Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing home with his penis hanging outside his pants.
Nurse Jones saw him and said, "Mr. Smith, I thought you told me your penis died?"
"It did," he replied. "Today is the viewing!":D |
|
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| drjay |
A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking one afternoon.
The cucumber says, "I hate my life. When I get big, fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."
The olive says, "That's nothing. When I get big, fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."
The penis says, "You guys think you have it bad. Every time I get big, fat and juicy they put me in a plastic bag, push me into a dark cave, and shove me around in there till I throw up." |
|
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| Goodgirl |
5 Reasons Not to be a Penis...
1. You're bald your whole life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. Your neighbors are nuts.
4. The guy behind you is an ass hole and...
5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint
Dr Jay , your joke reminded me of one of my favs:D |
|
|
| Goodgirl |
MAKING A BABY
The Smiths were unable to conceive children
and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive,
Mr. Smith kissed his wife
goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now The man
should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a
door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make
a sale.
Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come
to...''
Oh no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in,
embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer.
"Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and have a seat"
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well,
where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in
the bathtub, one on the
couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed.And
sometimes the living room
floor is fun. You can really spread out
there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it
didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good
one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot
from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take
his time. I'd love to be
in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure
you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled
out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping
at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally
well - when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her
to the park to get the job done right.
People were crowding around four
and five deep to get a good look"
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her
eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than
three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling -
I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I
had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my
equipment, I just had to pack it all in.
" Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually
chewed on your, uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes..
Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to
rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be
held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted.:2: |
|
|
| EXCALIBUR |
There once were two priests, father Dick and father Ray.
One day after a very long mass, the two priests decided to hit the showers, halfway through there showers the priests realized that there was no soap.
So, father Ray says to Father dick "I have extra soap in my room, I'll go get some".
So he leaves to fetch the soap and doesn't bother to get dressed because who would still be in the church at such a late hour? So he comes back from his room with two bars of soap and is walking down the hall when suddenly he hears voices coming around the corner, so with his quick thinking he froze to the wall, stiff as a statue.
The voices turned out to be that of three nuns, who, when saw him standing there like a statue stopped to look at and admire him complimenting at how realistic he looks and what a nice body he has.
When suddenly one of the nuns reaches out and grabbed his penis.
Startled, he dropped a bar of soap, with this the nun said "Oh look, a soap dispenser", wanting to test the first nuns theory the second nun reaches out and also grabs his penis, again he drops a bar of soap.
With this the nun says "Yes it's true, it is a soap dispenser".
Wanting to get her share of soap and excitement too, the third nun reaches out and grabs his penis.
But nothing happened for he was all out of soap, so she goes on yanking and pulling his penis for the next few minutes until, to her delight, she squeals "Oh! Look, hand cream!" |
|
|
| BaldEagle |
Last summer Ed met a woman while on vacation and fell head over heels in love with her.
On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they would continue the relationship.
"It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut," Ed said to his lady friend.. "I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that's a problem, you'd better say so now."
"Well, if we're being honest with each other, here goes," she replied. "I'm a hooker."
"I see," Ed replied, and was quiet for a moment.
Then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off." |
|
|
| drjay |
quote:
Originally posted by Goodgirl
5 Reasons Not to be a Penis...
1. You're bald your whole life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. Your neighbors are nuts.
4. The guy behind you is an ass hole and...
5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint
Dr Jay , your joke reminded me of one of my favs:D
LOL!
:21: |
|
|
| drjay |
Towards the end of the golf course, Fred hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden . . . poof! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life; better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!"
Then, poof, she was gone!
After Fred recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, "Bob, where are you?"
Bob yells back, "I'm over here in the pussy willows."
Fred shouts back, "DON'T SWING, BOB . . . FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!" |
|
|
| greatscot |
As long as we're on golf stories . . .
An Englisman, an American, and a Scotsman are golfing with their wives.
The Englishman's wife tees up, swings, and a gust of wind lifts her skirt revealing she is bare bottomed. The embarrassed Englisman reaches for his wallet, gives his wife $30 and says "here, go get yourself some knickers."
The American's wife tees off, another gust of wind reveals she is also not wearing any underwear. The frustrated American hands her $50 and says "go get yourself some panties."
The Scotsman's wife tees off, and that pesky wind comes up again, lifting her skirt to reveal her bare privates. The angry Scot hands his wife $10 and says "go get yirsel a haircut!" |
|
|
| ROTORRAY |
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from
the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and
panting.
"What's up?" she asks.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing,
her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is
hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!"
The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right
past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her
sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.
"You rotten "*****", she screams.
"My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring
the kids!!" |
|
|
| BaldEagle |
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to
share a bed.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and
says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!"
The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too.
Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!" |
|
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| Sinecure |
I rear-ended a car a few days ago.
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He was pissed!!
He looked up at me and said, "I'm NOT happy!!"
I said, "Then which one are you?" |
|
|
| Sinecure |
A guy goes into a bar & has this monkey on his shoulder.
The bartender says “I don’t think I can let you have that dirty little monkey in here.”
Guy says “It’s OK he’ll be good”
The bartender agrees & gives the guy a beer. Pretty soon the monkey reaches down & gets a pretzel and eats it.
The bartender says “I don’t think my patrons like his little monkey hands in the food so keep him from doing that.”
The guy says OK. Then, after a little, the monkey jumps on to the pool table & eats the Que ball.
The Bartender gets mad & says “I knew that monkey was trouble, now I have to get a new Que ball so they can play pool.”
The guy says “Well, it’s late now & most of your patrons are gone, the monkey will pass the ball tonight and when he does I’ll clean it up and return it in the morning, OK?”
And so he does- The guy comes back in the morning with a brite shiny Que ball & puts it on the bar. The bartender thanks the guy and about this time the monkey reaches down and gets a peanut from the bar, then he sticks it up his ass, pulls it out & eats it.
The bartender says “Wow, thats really gross, whats the dael?”
The guy says “Well, since the Que ball thing, he makes sure every thing will fit before he eats it” |
|
|
| Sinecure |
Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation.
"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first.
"It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping.
How did you die?" says the second.
"I had a heart attack", says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."
The second man shakes his head. "that's so ironic" he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive." |
|
|
| Sinecure |
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was
severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft
any skin from his body because he was too skinny.
So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only
skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come
from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell
noone about where the Skin came from, and they requested that the
doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's
new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his
friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion
at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek." |
|
|
| Sinecure |
Three Catholic School girls die in a car crash and go to see St Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St Peter says, "Before you may enter heaven, you must confess any sins."
The first girl in line, Shelly, steps forward and says, "Forgive me, but I once saw a man's penis."
"Very well. You must now wash your eyes in this bowl of holy water, and you can then enter," explained St Peter.
All of a sudden the third girl, Anna, pushes past the second girl, Katie, to get to the front. "What's going on here?" bellows St Peter.
Anna replies, "I want to wash out my mouth before Katie sticks her ass in it." |
|
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| drjay |
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when
they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that
had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out our
air hole at the same time; that should cause the ship to turn over and sink."
They tried it and, sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon, however,
the whales realized the sailors were swimming to the safety of the shore.
The male whale was furious that they were getting away and told the female,
"Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." It was at
that point he sensed the female might not be willing to follow him.
"Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse
to swallow the seamen!" |
|
|
| BaldEagle |
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing
their carts around COSTCO when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about
that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't
paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm
getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each
other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall,
with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs,
and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and
no bra. What does your wife look like?"
The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours." |
|
|
| drjay |
Miss Bea was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. Pastor Jones came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something! But he certainly couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor. When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. Pastor Jones tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.
"Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this" (pointing to the bowl).
"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. It said to put it on your organ, keep it wet and it would prevent disease. And you know... I haven't had a cold all winter!" |
|
|
| BaldEagle |
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along." |
|
|
| Blackura |
George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Karl Rove are all flying over New Orleans in a Blackhawk, surveying the progress that has been made in rebuilding the city and the levees.
As they fly over the Ninth Ward, Cheney looks out the window, grins, and says, "You know, I could throw a thousand-dollar bill out the window right now and make one of those poor bastards very happy."
Bush says, "Well, I could throw ten hundred-dollar bills out the window right now and make TEN people very happy."
Not to be outdone, Rove chimes in, "Oh yeah? Well, I could throw a hundred $10 bills out the window and make a HUNDRED Americans very happy."
Hearing this, the copter pilot rolls his eyes and says, "Man, I could throw all three of you out the window and make 300 million Americans very happy." |
|
|
| drjay |
Two Italian men get on a bus in New York City. They seat
themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting
behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her ears perk up
when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again.
Two asses, they come together again. I pee twice. Then | | | |
