| ByeByeChrysler |
> > Sadly, Dave was born without ears, and, although he proved to be
> > successful in business, his
> > problem annoyed him greatly. One day he needed to hire a new manager
for
> > his company, so he set
> > up three interviews.
> >
> > The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was
> > very interesting. But at the
> > end of the interview, Dave felt compelled to ask him: "Do you notice
> > anything different about
> > me?" "Why, yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears,"
> > came the reply. Dave did not
> > appreciate his candor and threw him out of the office.
> >
> > The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the
> > first guy. But he asked
> > her the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?"
> > "Well," she said, "you have no
> > ears." Dave again got upset and chucked her out in a rage.
> >
> > The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch, he was a
> > young man who had recently
> > earned his MBA. He was smart. He was handsome, and he seemed to be a
> > better businessman than
> > the first two put together. Dave was anxious, but went ahead and asked
> > the young man the same
> > question. "Do you notice anything different about me?" Much to his
> > surprise, the young man
> > answered, "Yes, you wear contact lenses, don't you?"
> >
> > Dave was shocked and realized this was an incredibly observant person.
> > "How in the world did you
> > know that?" he asked. The young man fell off his chair laughing
> > hysterically and replied, "Well, it's
> > pretty hard to wear glasses with no fu*king ears!"
> |
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| Fireblade6 |
NICE!!!
:jester: :29: |
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| msu79gt82 |
| A young couple took their 6-yr old son to the doctor, With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes, That should solve the problem." The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. "Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?" "Just take 2", the mother replied. "The rest are for your father." |
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| msu79gt82 |
| Halloween Flashers |
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| mdxxxx |
quote:
Originally posted by ByeByeChrysler
> > Sadly, Dave was born without ears, and, although he proved to be
> > successful in business, his
> > problem annoyed him greatly. One day he needed to hire a new manager
for
> > his company, so he set
> > up three interviews.
> >
> > The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was
> > very interesting. But at the
> > end of the interview, Dave felt compelled to ask him: "Do you notice
> > anything different about
> > me?" "Why, yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears,"
> > came the reply. Dave did not
> > appreciate his candor and threw him out of the office.
> >
> > The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the
> > first guy. But he asked
> > her the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?"
> > "Well," she said, "you have no
> > ears." Dave again got upset and chucked her out in a rage.
> >
> > The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch, he was a
> > young man who had recently
> > earned his MBA. He was smart. He was handsome, and he seemed to be a
> > better businessman than
> > the first two put together. Dave was anxious, but went ahead and asked
> > the young man the same
> > question. "Do you notice anything different about me?" Much to his
> > surprise, the young man
> > answered, "Yes, you wear contact lenses, don't you?"
> >
> > Dave was shocked and realized this was an incredibly observant person.
> > "How in the world did you
> > know that?" he asked. The young man fell off his chair laughing
> > hysterically and replied, "Well, it's
> > pretty hard to wear glasses with no fu*king ears!"
>
:19: |
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| 2002 Acura MDX! |
quote:
Originally posted by ByeByeChrysler
> > Sadly, Dave was born without ears, and, although he proved to be
> > successful in business, his
> > problem annoyed him greatly. One day he needed to hire a new manager
for
> > his company, so he set
> > up three interviews.
> >
> > The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was
> > very interesting. But at the
> > end of the interview, Dave felt compelled to ask him: "Do you notice
> > anything different about
> > me?" "Why, yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears,"
> > came the reply. Dave did not
> > appreciate his candor and threw him out of the office.
> >
> > The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the
> > first guy. But he asked
> > her the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?"
> > "Well," she said, "you have no
> > ears." Dave again got upset and chucked her out in a rage.
> >
> > The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch, he was a
> > young man who had recently
> > earned his MBA. He was smart. He was handsome, and he seemed to be a
> > better businessman than
> > the first two put together. Dave was anxious, but went ahead and asked
> > the young man the same
> > question. "Do you notice anything different about me?" Much to his
> > surprise, the young man
> > answered, "Yes, you wear contact lenses, don't you?"
> >
> > Dave was shocked and realized this was an incredibly observant person.
> > "How in the world did you
> > know that?" he asked. The young man fell off his chair laughing
> > hysterically and replied, "Well, it's
> > pretty hard to wear glasses with no fu*king ears!"
>
:D :eek: :2: :5::12: :18: :22: :20: :jump3: :bonk: |
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| mdxxxx |
quote:
Originally posted by msu79gt82
A young couple took their 6-yr old son to the doctor, With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes, That should solve the problem." The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. "Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?" "Just take 2", the mother replied. "The rest are for your father."
:jester: :25: |
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| srpbep |
A young woman presents to the doctor complaining:
Woman: Something is wrong, every time I touch my body it hurts.
Doctor: Where does it hurt?
Woman: Everywhere.
Doctor: Show me.
Woman touches the right side of her temple with her right index finger and winces.
Doctor: Show me again.
Woman touches the right side of her chin with her right index finger and winces.
Doctor: Show me again.
Woman touches her left sholder with her right index finger and winces.
Doctor: Well, I have figured it out. By the way, you're really a blond aren't you?
Woman: Yes, I am a natural blond, but I prefer the brunette color that you see. But I just had my hair colored, how could you possibly tell.
Doctor: How I could tell you are really a blond is not important, I was just curious. By the way, your right index finger is broken. |
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| srpbep |
Just read an article in today's newspaper. Seems that Walmart is planning on opening a bunch of new stores in the mid-east. The writer explained that he had interviewed the head of Walmart's strategic planning division who provided the following explanation:
** Walmart had done some serious analysis of the competition.
** The analysis revealed that a significant number of Targets had been identified in Iraq.
** Walmart had inside information that government sources had confirmed that the number of Targets confirmed significant areas of opportunity. |
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| DaleB |
quote:
Originally posted by ByeByeChrysler
> > Sadly, Dave was born without ears, and, although he proved to be
> > successful in business, his
> > problem annoyed him greatly. One day he needed to hire a new manager
for
> > his company, so he set
> > up three interviews.
> >
> > The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was
> > very interesting. But at the
> > end of the interview, Dave felt compelled to ask him: "Do you notice
> > anything different about
> > me?" "Why, yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears,"
> > came the reply. Dave did not
> > appreciate his candor and threw him out of the office.
> >
> > The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the
> > first guy. But he asked
> > her the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?"
> > "Well," she said, "you have no
> > ears." Dave again got upset and chucked her out in a rage.
> >
> > The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch, he was a
> > young man who had recently
> > earned his MBA. He was smart. He was handsome, and he seemed to be a
> > better businessman than
> > the first two put together. Dave was anxious, but went ahead and asked
> > the young man the same
> > question. "Do you notice anything different about me?" Much to his
> > surprise, the young man
> > answered, "Yes, you wear contact lenses, don't you?"
> >
> > Dave was shocked and realized this was an incredibly observant person.
> > "How in the world did you
> > know that?" he asked. The young man fell off his chair laughing
> > hysterically and replied, "Well, it's
> > pretty hard to wear glasses with no fu*king ears!"
>
Should also make it easier to put on turtleneck sweaters! |
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| msu79gt82 |
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight, the little bugger. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff". He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the Monkey ate, then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "No, what?" replies the guy. "Well, he stuck a cherry up his bum, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender. Yeah, that doesn't surprise me", replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since the cue ball incident, he measures everything first." |
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| msu79gt82 |
Dear Abby:
I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My fiancée’s mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be. When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred ... then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave.
I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door...
There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.
Abby, should I tell my fiancée' what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character? Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom? |
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| mdxxxx |
quote:
Originally posted by msu79gt82
Dear Abby:
I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My fiancée’s mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be. When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred ... then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave.
I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door...
There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.
Abby, should I tell my fiancée' what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character? Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?
Beautiful LOL!
:D :2::5: :19: :20: :17::21: |
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| ByeByeChrysler |
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work." The daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my Love dress" the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute."
The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On
way home she thought about the Love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door.
Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked the door.
What in the world are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my Love dress" she replied.
"Needs ironing...What's for supper?" |
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| mdxxxx |
quote:
Originally posted by ByeByeChrysler
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work." The daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my Love dress" the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute."
The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On
way home she thought about the Love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door.
Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked the door.
What in the world are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my Love dress" she replied.
"Needs ironing...What's for supper?"
Ok, fellas, your killin me..:p |
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| msu79gt82 |
God's Diet Plan:
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.
And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese. And there was ice cream for dessert. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak from Cracker Barrel so big it needed its own platter And Man gained pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.....
And Satan created HMOs....
And.... |
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| ByeByeChrysler |
NOW .............. I'm really hungry
:lurk: |
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| msu79gt82 |
| ... he must have peanut butter:D |
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| remery |
Shortly after President Bush took office, an old man approached the White House from the park across Pennsylvania Ave where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U. S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr.Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here." The old man said, "Okay,"and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The marine again told the man, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Clinton; I've told you already that Mr. Clinton is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?" The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it." The Marine snapped to attention, saluted and said, "See you tomorrow." |
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| mdxxxx |
quote:
Originally posted by remery
Shortly after President Bush took office, an old man approached the White House from the park across Pennsylvania Ave where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U. S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr.Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here." The old man said, "Okay,"and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The marine again told the man, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Clinton; I've told you already that Mr. Clinton is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?" The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it." The Marine snapped to attention, saluted and said, "See you tomorrow."
Oooooohhhhh Noooooo!:22: |
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| msu79gt82 |
An 8 year old boy was riding his bicycle in Oxford, Mississippi, when he saw his friend being attacked by a large pit bulldog. The boy jumped off his bike, ran and jumped on the dog's back. After prying the vicious animal's teeth from his young friend's body, he put the dog in a choke hold and held on until the dog was dead.
The local newspaper editor happened to witness this feat and after calling for the ambulance on his cell-phone, ran over to the young hero and said, "Son, that was one of the bravest things I have ever seen. You're going to make tomorrow's headlines. It will read: 'Ole Miss Fan is Hero--Risks His Life & Saves Young Friend From Vicious Pit Bull Attack."
The youngster said, "That's nice, but I'm not an Ole Miss fan." The editor said, "OK, then it will read: 'Mississippi State Fan Saves Young Friend's Life in Pit-Bull Attack.'"
The young man said, "But I'm not a Mississippi State fan." The editor said, "OK, then it will read: 'Southern Mississippi Fan Saves Friend's Life.'"
Once again the young man interrupted, saying, "I'm not a Southern Mississippi fan, either." The editor, becoming somewhat irritated, asked, "Then, who is your favorite team?"
The kid replied with a big smile, "LSU!"
The next morning, the local newspaper headlines read: "BELOVED FAMILY PET MURDERED BY LITTLE COONASS BASTARD." |
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| msu79gt82 |
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS:
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC:
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY:
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. |
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| msu79gt82 |
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely! This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No, I think I'll just wait for the police...."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever b!tches. Don't mess with them. |
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| marktr6 |
My middle son just graduated from Ole Miss back in May. This is a joke I know, but I can really believe the sentiment expressed.
Mississippi is serious about their sports. |
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| msu79gt82 |
Article From the Lighter Side: ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL
CHARTS
01. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
02. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
03. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
04. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
05. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
06. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
07. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
08. The patient refused autopsy.
09. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
15. She is numb from her toes down.
16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
17. The skin was moist and dry.
18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. |
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| msu79gt82 |
ZIPLOC BAGS: - Male: They hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SWISS ARMY KNIFE - Male: Even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS - Female: They always go to the bathroom in pairs.
SHOE - Male: It is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER - Female: Once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. It is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. It can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
TIRE - Male: It goes bald and often is over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON - Male: To get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES - Female: They are soft and squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGE - Female: It is always getting hit on.
SUBWAY - Male: It uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS - Female: Over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER - Male: It hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL - Female: Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider...it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying. |
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| msu79gt82 |
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? 66 Ford Fairlane, 69 Chevrolet Chevelle, 64Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tallboys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns an Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, what are the chances that it will strike a vehicle that has a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer? |
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| ByeByeChrysler |
OK, here is my joke for today.
> ********** Jesus, what he was! *********
>
> There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
> 1. He called everyone "brother"
> 2. He liked Gospel.
> 3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
> 1. He went into His Fathers business.
> 2. He lived at home until he was 33.
> 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he
> was God.
>
> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
> 1. He talked with his hands.
> 2. He had wine with every meal.
> 3. He used olive oil a lot.
>
> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a
> Californian:
> 1. He never cut his hair.
> 2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
> 3. He started a new religion.
> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
> 1. He never got married.
> 2. He was always telling stories.
> 3. He loved green pastures.
> But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a
> woman:
> 1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no
> food.
> 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just
> didn't get it.
> 3. Even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more
> work to be done. |
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| remery |
| A picture is worth a 1,000 Words! |
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| msu79gt82 |
| A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked. "No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of sh!t in our garden." |
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| Maik |
| The man came home from work to find his girlfriend standing outside the front door, bags packed and ready to leave him. Where are you going? he asked. She told him that she was leaving him because some of the neighbors told her that he was a pedophile. He responded "Wow! Thats a mighty big word for a 12 year old" |
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| msu79gt82 |
Al Gore, having no job, decides to expand his vision and enhance his image by taking a sightseeing vacation to Europe. While visiting Europe, he is invited to tea with the Queen.
Gore asks the Queen what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Toni Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am." "Correct. Thank you and goodbye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Gore?" "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning home, Gore decides he'd better put some of his old friends to the test. He calls Bill Clinton and says, "Bill, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, Al. What's on your mind?" "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Clinton hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Gore agrees and Clinton hangs up.
Clinton immediately calls members of his old staff, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.
In desperation, Clinton calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem. "Now look here, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Clinton rushes back to call Gore and exclaims. "I know the answer Al! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"
Gore replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair." |
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| msu79gt82 |
A guy is out with his buddies. He has a few drinks, gets horny but true to his wife goes home. When he gets home he finds her sound asleep in bed with her mouth wide open. He gets two aspirin and drops them into her mouth. Of course she chokes but recovers and asks, "What did you put in my mouth??" He says, "Two aspirin".
She replies, "BUT I DON'T HAVE A HEADACHE"!!! He says, "That's what I wanted to hear." |
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| msu79gt82 |
| A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, and there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortable she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to sh*t when you hear the price." |
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| msu79gt82 |
LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him and casually replied, "You're never home!"
DECEPTIVE SEX:
A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock. They got dressed quickly. Then the man told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she did as he asked thinking him pretty weird. The man finally got home and his wife met him at the door. Upset, she asked where he'd been. The man replied, "I cannot tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That's why I'm late. The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes and yelled, "I can see those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU DAMN LIAR! You've been playing golf again, haven't you?"
CONFOUNDED SEX:
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said that the cost would be $3,500 for "small," $6,500 for "medium," and $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking quite dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX:
A Husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last." |
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| msu79gt82 |
1. How Do You Catch A Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch A Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path.
4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When they Hit A Concrete Wall? Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroids
7. What Do You Call A Boomerang that Doesn't work? A Stick.
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quatro Sinko.
11. What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire? Frostbite.
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka.
19. What Is The Difference Between A Harley And A Hoover? The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
21. What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
22. How Are A Texas Tornado And A Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer |
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| msu79gt82 |
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"
"I'd like to speak to my horse," says The Lone Ranger. Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horsie, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?" The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request." "I'd like to speak to my horse . . . alone." The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, very slowly and loudly "Listen carefully, now for the last time. I said 'BRING POSSE'!" |
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| msu79gt82 |
Hi, honey, this is Daddy," "Is your Mommy near the phone?" "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank," After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!" "Oh Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy, right now!" "Uh, Okay, then...here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car's just pulled up outside the house." "Okay, Daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy." "And what happened," he asks. "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying through the front window...and now she's all dead." "Oh my God! And what about Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the Swimming pool...but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all real dead too."
***long pause****
Daddy says, "Swimming pool???...Is this 555-7039?" |
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| msu79gt82 |
At the end of their first date, a guy takes the girl home. Emboldened by the night, the guy decides to try for the first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, how 'bout a good night kiss?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
Him: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"
Him: "Oh please, please, I like you so much!!"
Her: "No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can't!"
Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"
Her: No, no. I just can't."
Him: "I beg you..."
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button..." |
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| mdxxxx |
quote:
Originally posted by msu79gt82
At the end of their first date, a guy takes the girl home. Emboldened by the night, the guy decides to try for the first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, how 'bout a good night kiss?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
Him: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"
Him: "Oh please, please, I like you so much!!"
Her: "No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can't!"
Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"
Her: No, no. I just can't."
Him: "I beg you..."
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button..."
Hmm, I like the joke, however, I remember a slightly different version of this joke.... And it does not involve kissing!
LOL;) :p :22: |
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| msu79gt82 |
quote:
Originally posted by mdxxxx
Hmm, I like the joke, however, I remember a slightly different version of this joke.... And it does not involve kissing!
LOL;) :p :22:
Maybe a little risque at times; but we do try to keep things clean around here:cool: |
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| torchny |
A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door. Then her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the closet, with the little boy.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
Man - "Fine."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and play catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again." |
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| mdxxxx |
| Very, Very good! :D :19: |
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| ByeByeChrysler |
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
"No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly.
"What Happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.
"We know." said the young man, "We're not welcome at the Safeway supermarket anymore either." |
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| ByeByeChrysler |
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'SCREW him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea." |
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| msu79gt82 |
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find a pirate's costume enclosed. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note which reads:
Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. |
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| dbuono |
A grandfather, father and son went out to their country club to play a round of golf. The pro asked if a woman, who was a good golfer, could play with them since there were no other tee time openings. The men decided that it would be alright.
While on the first tee, the men saw a beautiful woman approaching them. They were all quite pleased that she was the woman that was playing with them.
Upon arrival, the woman stated that she has been playing this game for quite a while and did not need any advice from the men. Throughout the day, the woman was having an excellent round. On the last hole, the woman had a 10 foot put which would give the woman her first round of golf under par in her life. She turned to the men and said, I don't know how this put is going to break. If one of you tell me how this put is going to break, I will give you the best bj you've ever had in your life. All the men immediately agreed to take a look at the put.
The son looks at the put and says "I think it is going to break five inches to the right." The father looks at the put and says "No way, it is going to break five inches to the left." The grandfather looks at his son and grandson and says "boys, you disappoint me. I thought I taught you better than that. Honey, pick it up, its a gimmie." |
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| Nebulus II |
A guy walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper with a panoramic view of the city and a nicely furnished deck. He sits down at the bar and says, "Wow, you really have a great view from up here!" The man sitting next to him says, "Yeah, but that's not the best part... with the wind tunnels and updrafts from all the tall buildings, you can jump off the edge of the deck and the wind will carry you right back up to where you started!" Being more than a little skeptical, the first guy says, "I don't believe you." The man at the bar grabs him by the hand and says, "Come out on the deck and I'll show you."
When they get out on the deck the man climbs up on the edge of the deck and without a word, jumps off. Horrified, the first guy watches him fall down and down and down, until at the very last second he is swooped up and plops right back onto the deck. "See, what did I tell you?", says the second man smoothing out his hair. Totally amazed the first guy says, "I gotta try this!", and jumps off the edge of the deck. He falls down and down and down, until at the last second he hits the ground with a loud splat!
When the second man walks back into the bar the bartender turns to him and says, "Geez Superman, you sure are a mean drunk!" |
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| Nebulus II |
A young punker gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multicoloured hair that's green, purple, and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags.
His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewellery and his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who just glares at him for the next ten miles.
Finally, the punk gets self conscious and barks at the old man: "What are you looking at you old fart......didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"
Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah. Back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore, and had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son. |
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| ByeByeChrysler |
Top Ten Times in history when using the "f" word was appropriate:
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1) "What the f**k was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima
2) "Where did all these f**king Indians come from?" - Custer
3) "Any f**king idiot could understand that." - Einstein
4) "It does SO f**king look like her!" - Picasso
6) "How the f**k did you work that out?" - Pythagoras
5) "You want WHAT on the f**king ceiling?" - Michaelangelo
4) "I don't suppose it's gonna f**king rain." - Joan of Arc
3) "Scattered f**king showers... my ass!" - Noah
2) "I need this parade like I need a f**king hole in my head!" - J.F.K.
And the number one most appropriate reason to use the "f" word....
1) "Who the f**k is going to know?" - Bill Clinton
:2: |
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| ByeByeChrysler |
I just noticed, I can't count past 5.
That's how I copied it.
:rolleyes: |
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| msu79gt82 |
| ... or you can add, "That's how I f*cking copied it!" |
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| Lugnut |
A priest, a doctor, and a lawyer are out playing golf one fine morning. But on the second hole they catch up to the foursome ahead and for the next 16 holes they poke slowly along, wondering why the foursome is soooo slow.
When they finish they go to the club pro to find out and maybe complain a little. The pro asks if they remember the big fire down at the plant and says that those were the four firemen blinded at the scene. As therapy they took up golf.
The priest says, "I'll say a special mass in their honor tomorrow and ask the whole congregation to pray for them."
The doctor says, "I'll ask the hospital to donate the usage of their facilities so I can operate, and hopefully, restore their sight."
The lawyer says, "Why can't they play at night?" |
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| mdxpursuit |
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the first hole of a busy golf course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: "Would the gentlemen on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!!"
I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement: "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee?"
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "Would the man on the women's tee back up to the men's tee, PLEASE!"
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mic, cupped my hands and shouted back.
"Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut the f**k up and let me play my second shot?" |
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| msu79gt82 |
A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading: "Don't Miss The Amazing Texan." Curious, he buys a ticket. The tent goes dark. Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There, spot lit in the center ring is a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it is an old retired cowboy.
Suddenly the old man unzips his pants, whips out a huge penis and smashes all three walnuts with three mighty swings! | | | |
